Hi Katie,

It is true one may think forever on an issue or just take a quick decision and move on. Chances are that your boyfriend had many past experiences like that, things he was not able to handle. Maybe he just took a lot of time to think about situations like that, but in the end nothing worked out, so he just felt it was a huge waste of time. That’s why he took that quick decision, he saw an ancient pattern in the words you told him and decided that it was better to part than dealing with it.

It is a good thing you parted for the time being. So you will have the chance to think about whether you can accept him the way he is. Can you accept his past and his many girlfriend? Can you accept the fact that he needs to think more deeply than you in order to understand his feelings and in order to be sure you are the one he can trust and love? The more relationships one had, the more problems he faced, the more things he needs to be sure about before he can trust somebody else and be able to tell her with all his heart that he loves her. I’m sorry, you cannot be that quick with him, he needs to give you a stable identity in his mind, among the many identities of his past girlfriends. Can you wait so much? Can you risk he may not choose you in the end? That is the point, with that conversation and fight it seemed you could not. I understand he was the one to make the relationship official, but I suppose this was the misunderstanding: he thought you were committed to find out whether you would a nice couple before considering anybody else, his future talk were tentative plans he was proposing you to see whether you agreed, they were not something he was promising to do. On the converse you thought or felt that you were a nice couple committed to stay forever and his plans were actually going to happen.

Now things are back to a more stable pace, where you do not expect anything from him. It is much more comfortable for him, since he does not risk to hurt you with things you believed to be true but actually weren’t. This does not mean he is no longer thinking about you or wondering whether you can be a nice couple in the future. Somehow, he accepted your idea of relationship: since he could not prove you his feelings, he corrected the mistake in your view and told you that you were not in a relationship according to your idea, so that you could be free to look for a new man who may love you more quickly. However, this does not mean he moved on. He is respecting you and he is dealing with his fear from a safe a distance. He may still wondering about his feelings and may propose to you once again when his mind is clear. However, you are not a couple, do not expect that.

Hey Katie,

I said it in a response to you in my thread, but I am glad to see that you are doing well since your breakup. Communication is such a big part of relationships, and if the person you want to be with can’t let you know where you are at when you ask them, then I guess it might not be worth holding on to.

In summer, I was dating this one woman, and I think she broke it off because, after being around each other for about the same time as you were with that guy, I asked her where things might be at. Like you, I don’t like playing the whole game that some people seem to enjoy when it comes to relationships. If I like someone, and care about them, why would I play coy? It’s not a matter of having an upper hand over someone. It’s about communication and trust that will build a good relationship.

Again, I’m glad that you are doing well and have a good Xmas.