Dear andreacimon:

I feel sad knowing you are in pain. This feeling you have, these feelings, they are healing if regulated. That is, you need these feelings. But when you become overwhelmed, when it is too much to feel, distract yourself, focus on something else, breathing, take a walk, some non-damaging distraction. But your hope, your healing is in these feelings. Write here anytime.

anita

Dear andrea:

Welcome back! I did wonder about you and how you were doing. I re-read much of our past correspondence before I read again your latest post. I like what you are doing, hat off to you. I am quite impressed by your initiative and resourcefulness! From what I read so far about the psychiatrist you are seeing, I like what i read. She realizes the injury in you is from the loveless childhood you had. Wanting to talk with him, get his input, great idea. He, your husband, seems like he gave up and sees no hope in getting close again- it will be interesting to find out if he does have some hope deep inside. It will be interesting and very useful to find out his position. I suppose you have some interest in exploring his position because you are considering getting closer to your husband. If he shows genuine, real interest, you may too, is that so?

Keeping the two issues separate is an excellent idea- I know, because it is working for you. This way you are able to do something reasonable, what you ARE doing, and I see hope in your well being much improved. I am very interested to read further the happenings to follow in this therapy, the result of speaking to your husband, to see if there is ANY INTEREST in him to better his relationship with you or is he too invested in the relative comfort zone he has been in for so long?

Write more, anytime and take care of yourself as you have been doing, toward a better future.

anita