Dear Littlered:

Welcome back.

When we are children, we are always learning and our parents (whether aware of it not) are always teaching us. These childhood years are our most significant learning years, also called Formative Years because our core beliefs are formed then. Our core beliefs are the most significant things we learn and we learn them as children

These core beliefs become part of our brains: they are connections made between neurons; neuropathways. These connections involve thoughts and strong emotions. The strong emotions are the glue that hold the thoughts in place. For example, you learned that you are a bad person if you ask for something that cost money, this is a thought, but it is held strongly in place by shame and guilt.

When we grow up, those pathways do not disintegrate, neither are they meant to. What we learn in childhood is supposed to serve us well as adults (similar to a parent coyote teaching its young to hunt- that learning is supposed to serve the growing coyote well so it can feed itself. The coyote is not supposed to forget what it is taught).

And so, we don’t forget.

Of course we want to forget when what we were taught does disservice to us, brings us misery.

How do we unlearn? By learning something new. In your case, it would be learning that it is okay to ask for what you need. That new learning means new neuropathways that will grow and over time replace the old neuropathways.

Learning the new takes time and effort. It takes lots of patience because the old learning is still there and will not go away, disintegrate. It can only be replaced gradually, over a long, long time.

Exercises done in the context of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can be helpful in verbalizing/ writing the thoughts in those old neuropathways and replacing them with thoughts of the new neuropathways that are in the process of being formed.

anita

Dear Littlered:

You are welcome. Before my thoughts about the law of attraction:

You wrote in your original post: “I was always punished or made to feel guilty if I asked for something.”- you were taught, and you therefore learned, that if you ask for something, pain (punishment) will follow. This is why you are afraid asking for something, be it a tangible or a non-tangible thing. You are afraid of the punishment to follow.

Your internal dialogue, described in your latest post, is about you trying to avoid the punishment to come: hurry up and return the item (before she needs it and gets angry and punish me)! etc.

Regarding my thoughts about the law of attraction: if you pretend, act as if you are confident, let’s say, in a party- that is likely to attract attention to you, people wanting to enjoy and benefit from your company. So there is likely to be quick success. Unfortunately, a person cannot pretend for long, so the success is temporary. In business, a salesperson can master pretense, and can be successful because he is prepared to pretend at limited times, while working, and can be himself/ herself most of the time when not working.

Pretending/ acting as if (which is what the law of attraction is about)is a tool that if used with other tools can definitely be beneficial, as part of the process I mentioned, in moderation, in some contexts.

You wrote: “I feel I must start releasing this feeling of unworthiness/unable to receive and other related things to allow good in my life.” – it is a good intent, a goal, to release a core belief (involving the feelings about being unworthy)- but it cannot be done instantly or magically, as the law of attraction implies to many. Releasing a core belief is a long, gradual process of learning the new to replace the old.

anita

Dear Littlered:

Excellent job, second paragraph. I am very pleased to read your account of it. There is no such thing as an opportunity that is too small to practice new behavior. The more you practice, the stronger the new behavior will be.

Warning: learning a new behavior that contradicts old core beliefs, is not a linear process where only progress is expected. You will feel not as good, maybe even distressed, practicing and figure: this is not working! I am feeling so distressed!

This is where the incredible patience that is required comes in, or else you give up. Persevere, keep going. Over time, you will see healing. Accept the inevitable regressions of emotion, do your best to calm yourself when that happens, think about it later (when distressed clarity of thought is unlikely, better postpone thinking until calm), and practice yet again.

Looking forward to your updates, and you are welcome!

anita

I don’t think the law of attraction is about pretending. It’s more about reaping what you sow. If you’re putting out negative energy you’re going to attract people with similar negative thinking. Positive people want to be around positive people so if you’re putting her out positivity that’s  what you’ll get. If you think in a scarcity mindset you will not have abundance. That’s what it means to me anyway.