How are you, anonymous03?

anita

Didnt know if should open a new topic since its on the same subject so here I go.

I also struggle with IBS, dont have a type, but its a combination of diarrhea and at times constipation, especially before my period. It started years ago I suspect, I remember having troubles with bowel movements since I was a child, it was more on the constipation side back then, but also then as it happens now, I tend to have urgent bowel movements in the most unfortunate moments. I do know its related to anxiety, but lately is intruding a lot in my life, especially my work life. I work as a massage therapist, used to work at a spa, but my problems started and I decided to do this at my home. I just started actually. The thing is I have bowel movements during the massage and have to leave client on the table telling some lie how I have to get something from the other room and other stuff - I do it quite quickly, if Im not in the constipation period. It also started to happen at the salon, its weird, the first months were totally fine, but I know I wasnt eating on a good schedule and at times I would skip meals and have large ones and all the bad stuff you can do when youre with IBS, and at some point, I also had an episode of some sort of food poisoning and hell unlocked.  I was also vegetarian for a year or so and I actually believe it has messed up a lot my digestion and IBS, I also became lactose intollerant recently. Btw, its not only the urgent bowel movements, but also the bloating, pain under the rib cage, can`t breath if a had a slightly larger meal and then changes in the stool, plus the rest…

My massage practice was a special and safe place to me, but it started not to be anymore. I also realise that sometimes it happens more when people also speak to me, which I do love, I love listening to them, maybe get a little unconfortable when I have to speak and say stuff. Lots of my clients like to talk to me though and I cant just tell them to stop or to cut the conversation short. A while ago the urgent bowel movements happened when it was related to a romantic situation, it was very connected to the masculine side. I also remember times when I was healthy and fine, in the first two years of highschool, then I fell in love and lots of anxiety came back to me and thats the point when it started to intensify. It was also related to going in unknown places where I dont know if Ill have a bathroom, or with strange people with whom I wouldnt be comfortable sharing all this. If I would go with my uncle, for example, or with some family members, it wouldnt be a problem, but if I go with some new people, or recently met people to a barbeque, I would be very worried.

It feels so weird, Im alsmost 29, this feels like such an imature response and issue, like not being able to control my bowel movements, it brings lots of shame, and now, frustration, because I want to keep doing what I do, meaning the massage. Now Im at home, I thought it would bring more tranquility for me, because at the salon I had a very passsive agressive boss and it was a weird vibe. I also have now worries because I might not have the same environment as a salon, yet, and I hope they feel comfortable… still, its debilitating and makes worried that Im never gonna be able to live a normal, peaceful life.

Im trying to get on a low FODMAP diet, its not easy since for one year I ate vegetarian and lots of the meals were high FODMAP, but I cut out dairy and the legumes that would cause gas and bloating, and reintroduced some chicken and fish. I have some troubles with sweets and still havent cut out gluten, so its kinda the next step. It feels quite hard though and lots of times stresses me out, also I live with my boyfriend who remained a vegetarian, so it`s always a bit of a drag when we do groceries and cook. I would also go to a nutritionist as soon as my bugdet is better.

Did you also used the low FODMAP? What worked for you?

Thank you, Anita and realy I send lots of good thoughts and love. Living with IBS it is always a surprise and not knowing when it will hit you… it requires lots of observation of our own bodies and mind, so congrats on being able to do so.

I might have to work on the acceptance side also, to accept that this is how I best function and to do it for myself, I tried so much to reconcile so many external needs, as being vegetarian or even vegan, by pleasing other people and being easy because although I always struggled with eating certain foods (my body just knew), at some point I ate anything so I`m not a burden when I go to parties, dinner invitation and other stuff, especially since I became a bit more social. It is quite a relief that you told me a lot of your symptoms got better with dier, hope mine too and will keep me more motivated.

Thank you again!

Hello Anita,

So sorry about the confusion, I saw you`re name above 😀

So also thank you Helcat for the responses and tips, I really do hope it will get getter as I work on my diet as well. I do feel sometimes like I lost touch with myself not knowing what works and what doesn`t for me.

Yes, I came here some time ago when I was really in a bad place emotionally, glad to be here also, sorry I come only when I`m in bad periods of my life. When I was younger I used to hang on forums as a everyday activity, almost like a hobby, I learned so much this way, now when adult life seems to take a lot of time and space, and of course other type of activities, I find myself reaching the forum when I need help.

Surprisingly I am better from an emotional point of view now, much more better than I was when I wrote in my thread, or at least I think I am. I made peace with lots of the issues exposed there, me and my boyfriend did a lot of individual work as well as therapy and we started seeing results in our relationship. Of course others issues arrised and I still surprise myself being jealous or even have a tendency to control the events or people, especially him, around me, it is a work in progress, it is also one of the most difficult thing I feel I have to do and although I have all the information, I read the books and know the therory, in practice I still need to work on it.

When the pandemic came close to an end I started facing people, reality and everyday life, with full time jobs and managing the time so I can do all the things I need to do daily, I was highly stressed. I struggled finding a place to work, a place where I can fit in and have that feeling of belonging. I loved doing massages at the salon, but as I mentioned my bosses were not the easiest and for other reasons actually I had to leave. I was also a facilitator in some projects we made with a group of international friends, it was quite a busy year.

You asked if I gained some emotional regulation skills. I did for some time, but Ill admit Im not good with consitency. But I did them as I do now with this thread, I only practiced when I was low, when things got better, I didn`t give attention to them anymore. I guess I expected since I did them for a while, you benefit me for a lifetime, but I understand it is a daily practice.

For me I thought I was better, I still thing. I mean, I moved back in my country, I found something that I like to do, although I seem to struggle quite often financially and hardly have time or money for my passions…, still, the pandemic is over and we started seeing friends and dear people more often. Not sure now… during that period when I wrote my first thread, we were in the middle of the pandemic, but at the same time, I was in a program so I had a monthly income ensured without actually having to work, I would dedicate my energy and time to the relationship and myself… This year there were a lot of stuff, a lot of events, getting back on social life meant also to open the door to social anxiety. I didnt have a proper holiday, even when I didnt have my job anymore, I worked on the project and also started looking for jobs and stress about my future. I also realised a while ago I feel a lot of fear, my heart stop with medium to loud noises, fear of possible bad events or situations and anything that could happen that can destroy my happy moments, because I also experienced a lot of good and happy moments this year.

Sorry for the long comment… just wrinting here made me realise some stuff, at least not to be so surprised why my IBS is more powerful now.

Thank you for being here for us! It is not easy to hold space for such issues in general. You have a golden heart!