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Need Advice Very Badly -Complicated relationship

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  • November 4, 2014 at 12:58 pm #67322
    Autumn
    Participant

    I’ve been going out with my bf since we were in college. He is from America, but I am from Thailand. So after I finished my school, i had to go back home. I went back to Thailand for about 1 year. At that time, we were still together. I’m very close to his family and I love them to death.I spent Christmas with his family for the past 3 years. Since he only has his mom and she has her own business here. I thought the only way to make this work was I come back to America and get my master degree (I wouldnt be able to come back unless I have a student visa). So I did came back for him. We lived together for almost 4 years. There were a lot of time I felt very frustrated, upset, and insecure. I always asked myself if my sacrifice worth it. He barely talked about getting married. The only thing he always told me was to work hard at school and try to find a job here which is not easy for me since I am not a us citizen! We fought a lot about this and a lot of time I went out and drink. We always fight because I lost my temper or control. I felt upset that he cared so much about his image to his friends. He would avoid picking up my call if hes with his friends or post stuff about me on social media. I felt like he did not appreciate me. Things slowly got better. While I went back home to visit my family. We fought often because he just wanted to be alone and did not want to talk or text me. So I asked him if he could spare 10 mins of his time a day to talk to me. But things got worse because the more I asked him to do sth, the more I pushed him away. While I was gone, his best friend moved back to america. He used to be alone and spend a lot of time at home playing games. Now he has someone to ask him to go out to the bars and hang out. On the night that I got back to the US, he told me that we are not working out. And he wanted me to move out. I was shocked because I did not see this coming. He said I should have noticed that he was not happy in this past two months. but what I saw was we were having fun and happy before I left to Thailand. Anyway, I moved out..He said he just wanted to be apart for a month, but he doesnt wanna break up. He just needs time to think about us. I know I have hot temper, get upset at him easily and sometimes I did not treat him well as I should have. So I tried to stay home, study, think about everything ive done wrong, and try to improve myself. All I see what hes been doing was going out clubbing with his friends. So after 3 weeks, I called and asked him what he wants to do now. He said he just wanted to sleep and not think?

    It is so hard for me to let it go. We agree that we have so much things in common. We love to play games, watch movies, listen to trance, and having the same interests. I also love his family like my own. Everyone thought we will get married. Then he became like this. Even after I moved out he would text me that he still worries about me and hes having a hard time. but he doesnt want to be together cuz hes not happy…I really dont know what to do with this situation. All i Know is he makes things so unclear and I will never get out of this loop unless I find the answer.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

    • This topic was modified 10 years ago by Autumn.
    November 4, 2014 at 6:45 pm #67340
    David4500
    Participant

    Base on what you have said. this is just how i feel. you are telling him what you need for this relationship to work. but he is not planning to stable down, and choose to run away from problems in this relationship. and i also find that you did not mention why is he so afraid of introducing you to his friends. i feel that there is alot of things he does not want to tell you, or simply just want to escape this issue.

    i feel that a relationship required both of you to share out how each other feel. it doesn’t matter how many common interest you both have or fun time you two have been together. because everything has an end to it. try to find out how he feel with your common friends if he does not want to tell you directly. Or talk to him when u feel his mood is good. Just remember that you need to listen to how he really feel and not telling him how much you have did for him or want him to do.

    if it still don’t work, tell yourself you have done your best to work things out. love yourself more, spend more time understanding yourself. life is full of changes, choose to live happily. best wishes.

    November 11, 2014 at 12:53 pm #67699
    Autumn
    Participant

    Thank you for your advice!
    He just likes to keep things with himself. He does not usually express his feeling and that is the problem. He seems like the person who will listen to his friends and follow their advice. I realized that every time he wanted to live apart were when he just found a new group of friends and he wanted to have social life. He always stated “he does not want to have a gf”. He has been in relationship for over 8 years (he had two girlfriends before he met me and after he broke up with them he would jump into a new relationship right away).

    His friends told him to move on and find someone to sleep with to forget me. When they do not even know me so well or what we have been through this past 4 years. Two weeks ago, he was drunk and we got into a fight. He said he does not love me anymore and he just wants me to give him two weeks alone. He said he enjoys going out clubbing and drinking with his friends now. ? I dont even know why would he ask me to give him two weeks for?

    • This reply was modified 10 years ago by Autumn.
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