Hi anita,

You gave me some insight in my situation. Non-functioning relationships ending, or relationship patterns.
The complexity of my rehiring comes as this is a huge company with many departments.
I wanted to apply for different department. Start fresh with new colleagues and new boss.
Trouble is, they always take feedback from my manager in former department.
According to his words, he gave positive feedback.
Then they initiated a rehiring process, raising request for approval from country HR manager
Country HR manager is the big boss of everyone, and he declined.
I have certain history in the company. I wholeheartedly can state that I have always maintained professional attitude and demonstrated knowledge and competence.
OK so first 3 years I was a top rating employee on zero level position, answering the phone, taking shifts, helping colleagues, team player. But obviously I had better potential, and my manager encouraged professional development. So I moved to a higher level role.
Going to that team, I face the following situation. My colleagues badmouth about our manager behind their back, and badmouth about each other. They tried to convince me against my manager but I refused to take sides until I got my own experience and impressions. Then they started bullying me as well. Maybe not less than each other but I was so young and unexperienced that I took it very bad. Basically they wanted someone to raise a complaint against their manager but that someone to not be them. In the end they might have succeeded, I guess, because according to linkedin that manager is now unemployed as well. So when I didn’t give in, they started bullying me and I ended up in HR anyway. It was a nightmare as I asked for internal transfer which took more than 14 months. At this point, I was working for my old unleveled salary, twice the work volume, assisting colleagues who asked me to translate from Spanish for them. When I finally transferred to my last team I no longer had powers to maintain combat mode so I was shorter than the grass. My team acted nice in front of me. At first I asked when will I get included in all project related communication and they said it was early. When they found out I went to my boss to tell him I have spare time they threatened me. So I gave up again. I just did whatever they told me to do, like a secretary. I no longer wanted people to link my name to conflict so I stopped telling my boss they won;t give me enough work. THey even trained me how to simulate business… But I did not stop asking my manager for additional ad-hoc tasks to maintain my skills. My boss thought I was too ambitious and refused. At one point, right at the time my family issues were at worst, everyone started rumorring that I was only faking business, and that even from my so called colleagues who didn;t give me tasks, so he decided to test me by throwing unbearable ammounts of work and telling me afterwards that these were highly critical projects with higher level of monitoring.
So, my so called “betrayal” was to tell the ugly truth as only way to save my skin…
When my boss found out what was going on and when he saw I completed the job, he offered me to stay but… it has been 3 months of nightmare and 10 kilos down weight… (and in general I am skinny)
So, I wanted to go back but in different department, other colleagues and manager, with lessons learned behind my back. There is another option available for me at the moment which could offer me very good payment, but bad location and night shifts… which is a huge downside for me.
As to my family, what’s done is done and at this point the no longer can shake the ground from underneath me. I saw their real faces and am not doing the same mistake twice.
And as for another direction, currently I cannot afford it financially, as this is the situation in my country.
I still relate the company with the good memories of my first 3 years. The nice location, easy access, comfortable, close to home, almost like home, some good people there.
Yes, relationships sums it up…

Dear Peter,

I know I may sound angry, but I had a year to process my emotions. Describing what happened, putting all this in words, is an expression of my clarity. I understand why writing this down makes me look angry – who wouldn’t be on my place.

But the fact is, this is the clarity of my conclusions of what hapenned, and I have accepted that. You should see me back then at the time this was hapenning – I was a ball of intense emotions, stress, feeling betrayed and surprised behind my back, without expecting this, without knowing why, without seeing this coming. For such long months I tried to find an explanation for myself, what have I done or said wrong to end up in this situation. I thought it was all my fault. I was seeing therapist and he repeatedly convinced me that it was not my fault, reassuring me that my reaction was normal considering the events. I didn’t believe him at the time.

I learned how to have better judgement of people, how to defend my position and my interest, how to stay alert. I learned how to better understand the situation and how to trust my own inner authority when making decisions, not be manipulated. I think this is clarity.

Right now what I know is I was about to get a job back in the company but somebody put s top on the process, so I use my diplomacy to try to win my place back. In the mean time, of course I go to other interviews. But things are hapening so slowly – I hear from employers I applied for months ago.

To be honest, I don’t know what advise I would give another person on my place…

About point 2 – talking about Fated 😀

Dear anita,

I am afraid that you did not understand me.
I was told that I was chosen for a job after an interview with the hiring manager, but country HR did not approve my rehire. That I was told.
I did not go directly to country HR to discuss interpersonal conflicts. She was involved afterwards. My manager was not reassigned as a result form that, but put under monitoring for a period.
As I said, I did not want to get into more details with the escalations that followed. This happened 3 years ago, then I worked for 2 years in another team. These days I was browsing linkedin and saw that manager unemployed since June, this year. I don’t know what the fuss was about back then and why 5 or 6 more escalations followed. But they were constantly talking behind his back and how incompetent he was, how he used them to provide him with updates and keep him up to date, how he was never an authority for strategic decisions as he asked colleagues for advise. One of them was very ambitious, and the most competent of them. I assume he was not happy to be inferior to an incompetent person.
As for me. I was in general very thankful to be given such opportunity by that same manager. He gave a chance to a number of people for a better career with lots of opportunities for learning and growth, without these people being related to him somehow. He gave chance to top performers. I never intended to harm his reputation. I was just too sensitive to the poisonous interpersonal atmosphere.