May I ask what you mean when you use the word ‘Truth’

My experience has been that finding ones Truth is a life long journey.

I am convinced that we live the stories that we tell ourselves but that such stories are seldom the whole truth of who we are… we are more then the sum of our parts, the roles we play, the stories we tell…

This may be a time for you to reflect on your stories. How have they shaped you and the filters through which you experience new experiences? How much of these stories are true, how much of the stories you tell have been influenced by the trickery that is memory.

We tend to assume that we know all the details of every moment we experienced but consciousness is extremity limited as it must fitter out most of details so that we can function but that also means the memory’s created of the experience are always incomplete and some might call illusions.

I found the book ‘Crucial Conversations’ helpful in helping me discover and take owner ship of the stories I was telling myself. And then how those stories were influencing my experiences.

I know you might be asking how would leaning how to communicate with others help you with your stories. Well the person you talk to the most is yourself. At least I do.

First step in good self-communication – Master My Stories (an out take from ‘Crucial Conversations’)

When it matters most and our emotions kick in, we often do our worst – even if we try to convince ourselves that we’re doing the right thing.

Learn to create emotions that influence you to want to return to healthy dialogue.

Others don’t make you mad, you make you mad. You see and hear something, and then you tell yourself a story. That story triggers your feelings. Then you either act on those feelings or have them act on you.

Manage your emotions by retracing your path. Return to the source of your feelings. Separate facts from feelings. You can see and hear facts. Stories, on the other hand, are judgments and conclusions that trigger your movement to silence or violence.

And watch for three clever stories:

The Victim Story that makes you out to be the innocent sufferer. Ask yourself, “Am I pretending not to notice my role in the problem?”
The Villain Story that emphasizes others’ negative qualities. Ask yourself, “Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do this?”
The Helpless Story that convinces you that you have no options for taking healthy action. Ask yourself, “What should I do right now to move toward what I really want?”

Dear Jonathan:

“The problem though is I don’t know what it is that I’m truly looking for.” you wrote.

Can it be quitting cigarettes and cannabis? Improving your mental health? Moving out of your grandparents?

I am suggesting these three things because you mentioned them, in that order, as problems for you, as I read your story. If so, these are possible-to-achieve objectives, one at a time, gradually, over time.

anita

Decided to begin writing about the facts of my past

That is a good place to start. But remember that facts while they may influence are not Truth that is you. You are more the sum of your experiences.

I don’t know what it is that I’m truly looking for

The quests of quests for which there is no easy answer….

Looking for something that you don’t yet know you’re looking for… how will you know when you find it?
I believe there is an art to looking and that is has something that involves the Zen art of doing by not doing. Or in this case looking by not looking.

It sounds like a paradox but it isn’t. Science shows us that the observer changes what he sees so never truly sees what he looks at as it is. That will always be the case however the seeker can learn to look by not looking, without expectations, which is more often than not an attempt to control what is been seen.

Have your read the book ‘The Alchemist’ by Paulo Coelho A heroes journey of discovering ones Truth/Purpose.

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. T. S. Eliot

Best wishes on your exploration