Hi again,
At first, I am sorry but I could not understant every thing you have tried to pass through. Any way, I would like to say that you feel too excitement about negative things.. events… people…
Stop doing that rightnow and start to fill your time with working.. going out.. practicing s thing… you r strong.. you do not need any one to help u. If you lose appreciation your self, no one will appreciate or accept u.
An entire water of the sea can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship.
Forget your past.. u live right now ,If you thik that what I say is impossible, you will ever never develop your life .
Do not be vulnerable..
Regard to your important test I think you should work so hard firstly, then try once more.
I guess u could pass it .
There is no borders. no limits. no obstacles in life.. they just live in our mind
Cheers

Dear anxiousangel:

I am having difficulty understanding your post above. Can you re-write your post above with more attention to spelling and sentence construction? Also, some of the language is too … sophisticated (is that the word, I wonder) for me to understand the meaning. For example, you wrote: “They (image and ego) invariably point to recognition status prestige appreciation socially..”- too many variables in this sentence and it is lost on me.

I am very interested in communicating with you more and more and hope you will make it easier for me to understand the above post.

anita

Dear anxiousangel:

Thank you for making it a bit easier for me to understand. So, I will check with you if I understand, is the following correct? If not correct me:

You no longer care about your background, that is, your father’s profession, the social status you were born into. What you care about is the social status you achieve. In other words, social status is still what you care about most.

“Social status” means what other people are thinking about you, who they think you are. It is important to you that other people think you are worthy and in your communications with other people you, now habitually, focus on managing information so to achieve your desired result: being thought worthy by others.

In your pursuit of being thought very well of, you divorced yourself from your authenticity, put it aside as not important, and you say and behave in any which way so to be thought well of. Your social identity (how other people see you) suffocated your personal identity (your authenticity).

Regardless of the success- or lack of success- of these efforts, you are miserable without your authenticity.

Is that correct?

anita

Dear anxiousangel:

A competent, caring and hard working psychotherapist is the best way to go. Not too many of those though. But yes, one like that, definitely. When you wrote “help me with that”- did you mean you want me to help you with it?

If so, there is a way to start. It is called Mindfulness and that is the first thing my competent, caring and hard working psychotherapist taught me: mindfulness. It is a practice that takes time, where you … I’ll put it my way:

I used to be this huge “floating head” thinking, analyzing so much, that my head was like this giant balloon, only heavy. I was hardly aware that this giant, heavy balloon was attached to a body. I was anxious and distressed much of the time, not aware what it was that was distressing me… I was aware of being in pain, but there was so much, so much fear, hurt, rage, it was too much to see into.

To be able to have that emotional understanding takes you being able to shrink that head, and take the elevator down from your huge head to the body. And over time, to distinctly recognize a particular emotion in all that mess of distress.

So, to start with mindfulness, outside psychotherapy where you will learn that, there are the guided meditation, yoga (slow, mindful movements), Tai Chi (again, slow, mindful movements)… deep, slow breathing- very important. What would be the easiest for you of these options (or another that comes to mind?)

* Here is an exercise: stand up, take a few slow, deep breaths, look at your hands and slowly close your hands into gentle fists, then spread your fingers, opening your hands. Breathe and look at your hands, closing and opening very slowly.

Tell me how that went.

anita