Home→Forums→Tough Times→my story to discover me. advice needed.
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March 14, 2016 at 7:16 am #98939
Peppermint
ParticipantDear anxiousangel,
I think a lot of people lie to fit in. Take for example sexual orientation, origin or, less dramatic, ones favorite sports team. But from what I read in your post this lying is getting too much for you, it’s difficult to keep the lies straight and it creates an invisble wall between you and your friends. Did I understand you correctly?
Since I’m not Indian it is not possible for me to know how much honesty would impact your career. But if you feel close to a friend or girlfriend, why not try to be more open with them? If they judge you for something that you had no influence on whatsoever, then they are not real friends anyway.
Personally, when I meet someone I make up my opinion about that person based on what I see and what I know about his skills, not based on his family. You worked hard to get where you are and that is admirable. I don’t think there is any need to hide who you are or who your parents are.
What do you feel would be a good next step for you to do?
March 14, 2016 at 7:49 am #98941Anonymous
GuestDear anxiousangel:
I never heard the term “information management” before I read it in your post. I like coming across something for the very first time. Information management, is it a term you coined? You wrote it means lying, I suppose ongoing lying, remembering what you said to whom and having any new information consistent with future information?
As I was reading your post about being layered and not your authentic self I got the feeling that you are already your authentic self, because of the originality in your writing, including in the use of the term Information Management (new to me).
Basically, because people judge a person by his father’s profession, in India (outside on India, not unheard of, to say the least, to be judged by one’s family, wealth, position..!) you have been hiding from people and lying about your father’s profession. Maybe you had to.. manage other information to fit with the first lie, that is where your father/ parents live, in what kind of a house, etc.
If this is basically the information you managed, then you managed information not really relevant to your authentic self.
You didn’t want to be judged by what is not relevant to your authentic self. You hid and lied about what is not relevant to your authentic self.
What do you think about this concept I last expressed here?
anita
March 14, 2016 at 9:27 am #98955barberi
ParticipantHi,
Thanky for sharing your story.
As I live in under develop country, I find alot of people tend to disturb, envy,or even destroy each other. I think because they suffer from ignorance . I do not want to be critical .I just want to clear some points.As you mentioned, I guess that you have a constructive character but you seem that you sometimes lose your focus.
You should turn the voices of others in your mind off .You should hide their faces and live out of their borders.You should start to build your future in your mind .. focus on your goals
I think the main problem is your thought not people surrounded u.
When you concern about achievements you will skip all bad situations.
Finally,remember!!
Whoever is trying to bring u down is already below u
ThanksMarch 15, 2016 at 4:37 am #99026anxiousangel
Participanthi anita
i see u r very clear in ur interpretations.
information management is a term i coined as i felt its not as dark as plain lying and it has to b managed. till now i have mnged it without being discovered. i judged myself harshly i think and watever i dont find GOOD or PRESENTABLE i simply edit them. it causes problems to me. it has become an oppurtunistic habit now. so now i want to accept myself completely.
peppermint
i was openning up to my last girlfriend…she was too supportive and was patient wid it. she wanted me to accept me wid all my flaws and fears…i tried but cud open up only25 percent to her. the deep things they are burried too deep…and need lot of courage to come out.. i m struggling here. next step i think..is presenting my authentic self to whom so ever i meet now… a new beginning with new ppl. but the problem still lies tht i dont accept myself completely.. dont kno my internal desires ad wants. i hav functioned socially all my life with a very adaptive personality.
hi barberi,
goals are good ..but i want my goals to b alligned internally. no more want to chase goals which enhnce my social worth like status power or money.. i did tht.. there is an exam in india called IAS most prestigious. wrote tht twice but missed by a whishker both times. now i m in a flux do i really want it..or look at it as a one stop solution for my vulnerable identity problem. i m creative by nature..so wanna rethink bfore i decide my goal.. it shudnt b on wht ppl think is grt career.
thank u all fr ur responses. i waiting for urs.
March 15, 2016 at 4:45 am #99027anxiousangel
Participantanita..ur point is revealing tht..maybe..i wanted to b judged on who i was…nd allow my socio economic background dictate my choices in life. is it expression of my authentic self.. if it is so…my problems wud b much simpler.
please elaborate on this,if u wish so.
March 15, 2016 at 4:52 am #99030Anonymous
InactiveAnxious Angel,
I just want you to know that we are here to support you in any way we can possible. Just take it slow, each step at a time is progress. Be patient and be kind to yourself. It will take a lot of soul searching to figure out how you’d like to go about your future and remember you know yourself better than anyone else. Look forward to the day you become your authentic self by allowing yourself to experience love. Your happiness matters and should always be your #1 priority in life. Even if you’re opening up to your girlfriend 25% that is at least a good start and keep persevering. Allow your soul to shine bright & radiate the beauty inside of you. 🙂
Sending you lots of love, positivity and light your way.
M.
March 15, 2016 at 5:08 am #99031Anonymous
InactiveSince you’re from India, this will cheer you up. Here’s on of my most favorite Bollywood music video audit’s now on my FB wallpaper as a link. Malaika Arora’s dancing is incredible in this video! I’d love to own her outfit and that headpiece she’s wearing. https://youtu.be/YOYN9qNXmAw
March 15, 2016 at 7:56 am #99040Anonymous
GuestDear anxiousangel:
You asked me to elaborate on my previously made point about you managing information that is not relevant to your authentic self. I wrote: “…You didn’t want to be judged by what is not relevant to your authentic self. You hid and lied about what is not relevant to your authentic self.”
What is a person’s authentic self? One thing it is not, is the profession of one’s parents and the wealth and social status of one’s parents. These things: profession, wealth, social status of one’s parents is very influential in one’s life, especially in India at present. Influential but not authentic is my point.
Let’s say you are born outdoors in a very bad weather: raining heavily, storms, winds… you as a baby are hardly surviving the tough weather, cold, wet… (even with the mother taking care of you by covering you, feeding you, etc.)
This tough weather you are born into, is it part of your authentic self?
That weather you are born into is powerful, but the little person born into it, is that person different than if you were born into a pleasantly warm, quiet day?
Awaiting your answer and will continue then…
anita
March 15, 2016 at 10:41 am #99059anxiousangel
ParticipantAnita u mean..that circumstance or social position is not part of authentic self..and a mere influentual variable in the identity and ego game.
And it means i hav exaggrated the varaiables ro hav an edge in the game..but am still my self. It may b unethical but not unauthentic.
Did i get it right??
Ths s gettin deep.
March 15, 2016 at 10:56 am #99060anxiousangel
ParticipantMy problem is thr i m in the wrong game. Ego projection and identity defence.
It takes lot of energy..worry.. Manangemnt. And i need to get out f this to either achieve my goals. Or to discover my real self, emotions and likes and dislikes.Something is fundamentally misaligned..and it needs a shift.
Any remarks.
March 15, 2016 at 11:00 am #99062anxiousangel
ParticipantBarberi.
Ur point is whr i m getting.
Problem is in the thought.
I miss my goals coz f focus..although i kno i m capable for them.But a lot f distractions demand my attention.
As the thoughts sway in many directions.Wat do u hav to say on it…
March 15, 2016 at 11:06 am #99063Anonymous
GuestDear anxiousangel:
I am thinking that your information management (I still like your coined term) is obviously something that bothers you, robs you of energy, distracts you and you need to change it, stop it..or otherwise, you need “a shift” as you called it.
And I am also thinking that your information you hid from others is not information relevant to your authenticity. The hiding of it may be relevant, not the information itself.
I suppose it is something you need to peacefully accept, somehow, your social position into which you were born (the weather in my comparison), accept that social position, accept your father’s profession as the random circumstance of your birth, not as the authentic essence of who you are.
When you think about your father’s profession, the social stratum into which you were born, how does it make you feel? Do you feel ashamed, angry, fearful…frustrated, enraged…???
anita
March 15, 2016 at 11:21 am #99065anxiousangel
ParticipantIr makes me feel unfair.judged perceptions need extra effort.tht i hav to deal with when i deal wid the world.
I disapproved f it
.so i pick majority f my identity frn my school activities not home.Wen i used to come home during holidays to home.
The discomforted relationships..the shortages at
Home disturbed my own inner energies.
I lived my life in a diffetent constructed reality wen i was away frm home.I thot ths detail was imp.anita
March 15, 2016 at 11:42 am #99069anxiousangel
ParticipantMay b i gelt adhamed anita and formed the above arguement to jusyify it. I m not sure.
March 15, 2016 at 11:50 am #99070Anonymous
GuestDear anxiousangel:
I can tell, this is what I see, that you are very emotional about this topic, and I am not surprised. I asked you how you feel about the … it is called the social caste system, in India, isn’t it? Being born into a social class and being esteemed lifetime for that social class…
Again, this is not only in India. Only more pronounced there, I believe.
I think it makes you feel enraged, very angry. And understandably so.
It is the lack of justice in it, and that is what it is: injustice.
Anxiousangel, please take a break (if you are not already taking it), from this communication so you can calm down. The anger can be overwhelming.
When you are calm enough, come back and we can talk some more. There is a way to accept such injustice with some peace. There are things you can change and things you can’t change. Better accept the latter so you have the energy to change the former.
Please come back to this later and take good care of yourself:
anita
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