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My relationship makes me insane to the Point I feel depressed

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  • #184013
    Rachel
    Participant

    So it all started when my boyfriend and i went to a friend’s Place to watch a movie. It was us and two more people who are also colleagues of us. ( so we were two men and three ladies)

    there’s this one girl she’s very attractive and very liked by all and I always really liked and admired her. Well not anymore.

    So we decided to watch a horror movie which I’m secretely afraid but don’t show it and play it cool.

    the other girl on the other hand was really afraid and showed it by screaming and hiding behind her pillow. My boyfriend caught it and couldn’t stop teasing her. He would always be like look and observe her all the time. At one point going over to her and tickle her. He would make comments like: well if you find it so scary you have to watch the second part in the theater! With me?” To which she said no and he was then asking her why that he thought she loved going to the cinema! She was telling us that she had to get a bed from the basement of the hospital (we all work there) and was so afraid she Came back and would Tell her colleaguess she couldnt find one to which my boyfriend replied “well then you have to go again” laughed and added the”„with me?” Again! Which she was ignoring! To me it seemed as if he was testing the waters with her!

    he couldn’t stop teasing her and was offering to teach her kung fu if she was afraid to which she declined. At the end he asked her if she wanted to see “it” in theatres to which she declined again and he wouldn’t let it pass and offered to pay for her if she would Go! The whole night he pretty much payed me know mind which on that own was really hurtful! Before that evening I wouldn’t even think of the two like that but now I can’t help myself! When we arrived at my place he couldn’t stop talking about how fun it was and that he didn’t know she was such scaredy cat which he found hilarious! He then added that he had to bring his PlayStation next time and play resident evil with her which i ignored but he had to add that it would ne so much funnier with her than with me! And that hurted me so much I couldn’t take ist anymore and flipped out on him! At first he didn’t understand and eventually he apologized and said he didn’t mean anything by it! I on the other Hand have trouble to believe him since he behaved kinda different! usually he is very quiet and reserved and would be on his phone when we are around others but this time he was acting really out of character! It doesn’t help that a while before that he told me that he found her sexy and way before me he was kinda thinking of her as a potential girlfriend! At that Time I wasn’t thinking anything by it and didn’t care but now it’s totally different! This whole incident makes me question him and making me insecure! Since so can’t stop comparing myself to her and see the similarities and likes between them! They do have a lot in colleagues with his eyes and staring a lot at other women while I am talking to him and it’s driving me mad! He’s talking about how much he loves me but is behaving like this! I admit I am very insecure and he knows that but isn’t thinking while in those instances! I am torn because I feel kinda betrayed and don’t want to deal with the hurt no more but at the same time it’s hard for me to quit since I am a little afraid to making a mistake eventually! But I’m still mad and confused!

    At that evening I saw the Connection between them and it makes me feel insecure!

    It‘s like they are identical! They talked and shared their experience with drugs and it led to them losing their drivers lisence! He seemed excited about it and was very Open since he found someone who had the same experience! Booth habe younger siblings that Love Soccer! And these two Love the same video Games and talked about that too! I noticed that they eben Share the same needy wish for a baby! Its scary! I noticed so many similatities between them and saw the Connection that is missing between me and my boyfriend! And I just cant Cope with the fact that there is a woman who would make a better Match for him than me! And it makes me feel depressed and O feel like Breaking um with him everyday Even if it will Break his Heart

    #184135
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Rachel:

    I would be distressed by your boyfriend’s behavior with the other woman as well, if I was you, especially in the context that he told you before that he was physically attractive to her. I didn’t detect in reading your post any inappropriateness on her part, only on his.

    I would have a serious talk with him: is he now interested in her, would be my question, as well as what happened with that physical attraction to her that he expressed before, what is the status on that?

    Also: is she not involved with another man and do you know if your boyfriend asked her to be his girlfriend any time in the past?

    anita

    #184147
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Rachel,

    Since you got upset with your boyfriend, and he said he did not mean anything by it, he may be telling the truth. He may just see her as a good friend, and she brings out the playfulness in him. Next time, you and your boyfriend are together, watch a funny TV show, and show him you can be playful and corny/giggly too. Tickle him, tell him silly jokes, just something out of character. Show him you can be just as fun! Let him know you will not tolerate him flirting (which is what he was doing in front of you, which is disrespectful to you). If he continues, I would re-evaluate the relationship. Better yet, invite one of your male colleagues out with the two of you, and start asking him to go to the cinema with you, and tickle him. What comes around, goes around. Let your boyfriend know what it feels like. Another thing is not to let another woman on a date with the two of you. I have done this before, and it’s always led to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

    #184149
    Rachel
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    well we talked about it many times and he says that he didnt mean it like that but he cant explain to me what his intention were.

    He even said that if he knew I would get upset he would not have done it! But i still don’t understand! She‘s single and has no one at the time! But she even said to me that she felt very uncomfortable in that situation and didn’t like it!

    He doesn’t understand why I got so upset and just apologized! But I have troubles forgetting about it since this incident showed me his true Charakter! I mean how can someone say they love you and behave like this? It doesn’t make any sense! He disrespected me and didn’t care about my feelings! And I can’t trust him anymore! All I feel is anger for him!

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