Dear Tannhauser:

It is a shame that there is no help available for the very distress involved in a fairly known concept, the Kundalini concept (a readily available, googlable long entry is available on Wikipedia, listing all the symptoms you listed on your posts of many months).

You wrote: “There is no support for all this”. I do not believe in Kundalini being real. But I respect the fact that you do.

Wikipedia mentions Kundalini- teachers but none is available: I googled a website offering such teaching but it is no longer active and I don’t know if it was of any help to anyone when it was available. None of the people who posted on your threads about Kundalini, people who believe wholeheartedly in it being true and real, none of them was able to help you and much of what they expressed was not agreeable to you.

As you stated time and time again, you are alone in this experience. I wish you had help, I wish someone was able to help you.

I wonder what kind of music you composed and played and what music you can still play.

anita

Tannhauser,

I do not know what kind of philosophies or thought and emotion patterns you have sunken yourself into but seems that they have not been worthwhile.

You probably have been dwelling too much doing same things and now you are totally bored with them.

You are transforming to something else as a being and your state is just a passing phase in transformation.

Do not stay in the agony, start doing things you may have completely overlooked.

I do believe that “God” or the source of everything (GO-O-OD) exists but as we are limited beings in many ways we are not always able to perceive the bliss of existence, only partial “showers” of it. I do not belong to any church but I have experienced many “mystical” revelations while reading sacred texts of multiple religions leaving me weeping under the depth of the feeling.

I really cannot blame the Provider for not fullfilling my every wish.

There are many things that we just have to do ourselves.

The simple law is that on what you concentrate your actions will grow within you.

So if you feed any angst or depression it will get bigger and bigger.

Turn your focus on delightful things and actions and you will feel better.

I have found many helpful tips on the YouTube videos by Sadhguru, he is a guy with a genuine no-bullshit type of attitude on all things of spirituality and beyond. Highly recommended.

Wishing wellness,

Fingerist

Tannhauser,

It seems that you are taking this too seriously.

You really need to take a break from all the things that are raising anxiety.

You probably have been contemplating too much on the buddhist concept of “no-thingness” or “no-mindness” which is not healthy. Personally I think that the whole concept is somewhat misunderstood (lost in translation). And buddhism could be understood as a branch of Hinduism or something like that.

Ego cannot be removed, the practical way is to soften it with compassion for oneself and others.

Spending too much with yourself in your mindspace and with lifeless things is taking its toll.

And playing such type of music and instrument that requires “perfection” adds to it.

In a word, perfectionism is the problem you are suffering from.

Go outdoors, meet people, do playful things, interact with LIVING beings. Do little helpful things to others. It will refresh your perspectives on life. You are a human after all, aren’t you?

Personally I think that Catholicism has very poisonous belief-system construct of all christianity, all that guilt, guilt, guilt.

I have a short background with Evangelical Lutheran church, they have a little more flexible way of doing things. But I have not been a member of any church for many years. All major churches are still doing good work for people but I prefer to support humanitary work without organized religions. They tend to add their own agenda on things and that is really not necessary.

While people as spiritual beings are evolving the churches with their old dogmas are lacking heavily behind.

Now is the time for people to really open their hearts and start doing things in practical ways. In ways that are really working and binding us together. We all are pieces of one common life. Separate beings but heavily dependant on each other.

You should consider meeting some therapist who has a history of handling people with religious backgrounds.

Or if you still like to try with some Catholic priest who has a more practical and wider view on handling spiritual issues it might be easier to you. Depends on how bad your “allergy” with Catholics are.

I wish you find your inner clarity. Hope you do not get any pimples or spots when I say this but God really works through people. He/She works through you and if your light gets dim then go and borrow from someone else. The light will not be diminished from that.

Tannehauser I hope that today you discover that the negative things you are attached to serve no purpose to you, and that you are embraced my endless possibilities of love and happiness. As I read your posts, I see many people such as Fingerist and Anita, among others, who offer you solid advise and strong hope to hold on to so that you can nurture that hope and advice and incorporate it into your life. What I also see is that your communication with these people offering you help is that your responses seem to be a lot of, “yes but” type of reactions. The “yes but” approach diminishes the help people offer you and elevates the “yes but” to a level of most important than what is being offered. You said, ” The more these energies come into me, the more empty I feel.” What does the energies that Anita and Fingerist and others make you feel? Speaking to your comment of “I want happiness and contentment. I have had enough of chasing after God and spiritual things and I just want to be like I used to be prior to 2013. Unfortunately, I can’t do these things.” To say you can’t do these things is a choice. If you can’t do “these things” who can? You said, “And in all these four years, not one person has offered ANY explanation for what I have experienced and how I might alleviate it. No one has helped in the slightest.” The only explanation I can see, given what you say, is that your anger is a viable explanation that I think will help you much if you should choose to explore that. For you to say “No one has helped in the slightest” is only because you do not open your heart and mind and soul of the help offered to you. I think you want other people to change you. Only you can change you. Doing this opens your life to so many amazing things that you are missing. Please let go of your anger. It is harming you in ways that you do not deserve. But to do this, you must have unconditional love for yourself. And you can do this because you are worth it. Let go Tannehauser. Throw out the trash. There is much waiting for you that will bring you so much love and happiness.