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My little brother is a heroin addict

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  • May 29, 2017 at 4:07 pm #151152
    dreaming715
    Participant

    My brother is 23-years-old and a heroin addict. He has survived two overdoses due to mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and being injected with Narcan to re-start the respiratory system.  He was recently involved in a bust where he and two others possessed meth and is now being charged with two felonies.

    I love my brother more than anything and am so sad this is happening. He actually graduated from our state’s college of beauty culture and received his state certification to style hair in salons. A short time afterward he started to feel very depressed. He ended up quitting multiple jobs, moved out of our mom’s house, and is currently homeless and jobless and is staying at different friend’s houses.

    He also has been to rehab twice and left early each time. Yesterday we talked on the phone and he told me he would rather die than go to jail (if convicted of the charges against him).

    I’m writing this today because I don’t know how to cope. I’ve told him so many times that I want him here on earth and I’ll help him find treatment- but obviously he has to WANT to get better for himself. He has not taken me up on finding help.

    I think it’s only a matter of time before I receive “the call” that he’s no longer with us. How do I cope with this? How should I handle this current situation as well as the possibility that there may be a day when he’s no longer here? What should I be doing physically, mentally, and emotionally to handle this in a way where I don’t completely break down myself? Right now even thinking about what’s happening to him makes me instantly start crying and I can literally feel sadness weighing on my heart.

    Thanks for reading.

    May 29, 2017 at 8:21 pm #151168
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear dreaming715:

    I am so sorry. Your situation is so sad, not only because of how painful life is for your brother, how scary it is that he may go to jail and prison, but also how powerless you are about it. Even if you had all the money in the world, you’d be just as powerless.

    How do you deal with getting “the call”, you asked.

    Strange thing, about life, no one knows who gets the call first. It might be him getting a call about you. Do your best to survive and then, do your best to thrive. Tell your brother, again, how much you love him, how deeply you hope he gets out of his current legal troubles, how desperately you hope he lives in peace. Then live your life best you can.

    anita

    May 30, 2017 at 7:59 am #151216
    sadpeach
    Participant

    Dreaming715,

    I am so sorry for your situation. I also am going through something somewhat similar. My sister has developed a deep psychosis that I believe also borders on schizophrenia, and my mother is also currently in rehab and has been for the past 3 weeks due to a sudden case of severe alcoholism. She is also very mentally ill.

    There is a huge burden that comes and goes. I have spent about the past 6+ months or so trying to slowly cut myself off from my family. I know it’s painful and feels selfish, but part of me cannot seem to handle the phone calls and the news via my father (the only one I still speak to). I go pretty well with accepting my situation and knowing I can’t save them, until I receive news or a harassing text from one of them that brings me into a downward spiral. Ironically, today I finally blocked their numbers.

    It took me a very long time to come to this conclusion that this is what is best for me. I know it might be harder for you because your brother seems to get better and worse repeatedly and it is more drugs than it is a mental situation. Since it’s more “concrete” in the sense of drugs, there is more of a feeling like you could help or save him.

    Like Anita said, I think it is best to tell him how much you love him and how much you care. Let him know that when he wants help, that you are there for him. But until then, you also have to protect yourself by not getting caught up in all of the issues that repeatedly come up. There is only so much you can handle. Say your peace and then distance.

    It is so much easier said than done. I worry myself, that if I lost my mother or my sister that I might bare guilt. I don’t know how to come to that conclusion. But this past year I have fallen apart mentally by taking it all on. Coping is protecting yourself in any way you can.

    June 10, 2017 at 1:19 pm #152656
    dreaming715
    Participant

    Thank you both for your replies. I like the idea of realistically thinking we could get “that call” at anytime and about anyone. For example, my dad is a farmer and accidents happen all of the time on farms. He could’ve had a fatal accident many times throughout my life, but I never worry about getting “that call” that something happened to him. It could happen to anyone… including my brother.

    I do still get emotional thinking about my brother, but I’ve read a lot of other people’s stories about losing a family member to a drug overdose and I think it’s a complicated disease- like many others.

    The reality is that one day he will not be here anymore (whether that’s in 10 months, 10 years, or 50 years). I’m not a fortune teller. I do know that the sadness I feel is a GOOD sign though, because that means he had a positive impact on my life while we were growing up, I think he’s an incredibly sensitive and special person, and I know he’s touched the lives of many.

    It’s like I want to repeat to myself “death is a normal part or life, it’s a normal part of life…” My brain gets it. It’s my heart that seems to have the hardest time letting go.

    I  wish there were more redeeming qualities to this type of death though. It’s tragic. It’s not like an 80-year-old who lived a happy life and passed warm and cozy in their bed surrounded my family.

    Understandably, that’s one of the most difficult things for me to come to terms with. When my grandpa passed away, it was a celebration of his long life.

    My 23-year-old brother has a much different story.

    June 10, 2017 at 8:33 pm #152674
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear dreaming715:

    I hope you find some brain/heart peaceful meeting place on this difficult issue. I hope your brother does not go to jail (are there news on his legal case, I wonder). And I hope he will heal from his addiction.

    I knew someone for ten years, he was a heavy duty heroin addict since he was a teenager. He injected heroin into his feet because he ran out of places on his body, literally. He was in his sixties last I saw him, physically healthy.

    I wonder if the methadone maintenance treatment may help your brother?

    anita

    June 11, 2017 at 3:26 pm #152722
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi Dreaming,

    I  can’t even imagine what a powerful addiction heroin must be. It is obvious how much you love him, but you should know at some point it’s not even about other people, but just quieting the craving of addiction. It sounds like you probably will be receiving “the call” someday, so maybe preparing for the worse case scenario could simply be imagining it, and then think about the first thing you will do, and then the next, so that if it does comesyou are not shocked. But in the meantime, try to focus on the hope out there, in your relationship with your brother, in knowing you are doing the best you can. Depression is often a sign a person is not moving on from something. I can not even imagine the entanglement between addiction and depression, but perhaps a combination of treatment and support will be enough for him uncover the roots of his addiction and heal.

    June 13, 2017 at 12:59 pm #153004
    dreaming715
    Participant

    Thank you both for your replies.

    Anita- I have recommended he try a methadone maintenance treatment with a healthcare provider. He has unfortunately declined, but at least I can sleep at night knowing this is something I told him I’d help him find resources for and I’m happy to at least try. That’s all we can do sometimes, you know?

    Mark- I liked your idea of mentally preparing yourself for “that call.” I’ve tried to imagine what I would do. My thoughts are to: 1) Acknowledge it 2) Gather information on next steps (example: information regarding a memorial service) 3) Notify whoever else may need to know 3) Get bereavement time in order to take a little time off of work 4) Get support from a loved one 5) This is the most important: Get into a mental state that won’t allow my current issues with anxiety and depression to take over. Death is a natural and normal part of life. Some people go earlier than others. How do I move along with my life? Take everything one step at a time and live in the present.

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