Thanks guys, it makes me feel happy that I’m finally being heard after these few months of holding it in.

The long novel I’ve vented and actually got myself to post was caused by this stressful situation I’ve been put in these few days and it’s making me wonder will this place ever get better since it’s only gotten worse throughout the time. My female coworker who’s blamed me and made me look helpless like I’ve mentioned previously, got the chicken pox so she didn’t come last week nor this week, but she’ll be back this coming Monday. Without her I saw a drastic difference. I didn’t feel pressured, or stupid like how she makes me feel, instead I felt really calm and relaxed. That is, until one day our workshop department mixed up the wrong couches. Couch 1 wanted full leather in brown, Couch 2 wanted fake leather in red, but Couch 2 got the leather and Couch 1 got the red etc. My coworker was in the office at that time and he brought the person down to check on their couch only to realize that mistake then. He then comes up to the office, seems to be slightly stressed and he asked me, “did I tell our driver to picked up those two sofas at the same time to mark a sticker with both of the different customers order numbers on it?” It caught me off guard a little, but I said, there was no such pattern ever. Throughout my 8 months here we have never told our driver to mark each couch, but my coworker was thoroughly so stressed out that he asked me like I was apart of this mistake too. He asked and went out of the room again.

It’s obvious that it’s either the workshop departments fault or the person who is my coworkers assistants fault since he is the one who marks all the sofas and tape a list of what material is each one using. He probably forgot to ask my coworker who’d seen them which is which and just went on to mark them wrongly. But later that day my coworker continued to ask me three more times about that I should’ve asked our driver to mark the sofas and such. I didn’t say much, which is why probably my lack of voice makes me a better target for them, but really I don’t want to say anything so nothing would start, that they would eventually realize they’ve gotten out of the line, but it’s not happening any time soon. Anyways, my boss that day sat down with our workshop chief and my coworkers who saw the couch, who marked the couch and so on. I wasn’t called (THANKFULLY THIS TIME). Which was a relief. But the next day, something else bad happened. There was this woman who wanted us to go pick up her couch at 2pm, latest to arrive at 2:30pm that’s what she told me. I would have arranged our better driver to go but he was thoroughly booked that day, and had to go to 3 locations on one trip! So I thought I would schedule our second driver, who is an old man, who is my mothers boyfriends, oldest sisters boyfriend. I know, kind of confusing.

I usually don’t schedule him on things like these because I know how he is. He would stall up the time and forget things because he doesn’t want to pay attention to them when I’m walking him through everything. There has been numerous of times where I would look for him at the car park and explain everything to him 4-5 times before telling him I’m going back to the office and you take care out there. I would come up after telling him to reach this first location at 10:30am in the morning. Suddenly, at 10:15am he comes up to our office, haven’t left the place yet! And he asks my other coworker is there deposit money from the client he’s going to. My coworker looks at this paper sheet form we fill out for our drivers that notes down deposit money and such, and she would tell him yes, and at times he would say to her, “vany didn’t say anything.” This time, when he was scheduled to go to the woman who took half an hour to be at home for us, he did not read at the bottom that I noted down and highlighted that we need to bring this specific material sample for her. Despite that, in the morning when I came in at 8:55am, I saw him and told him that today he would need to leave by 1pm or latest by 1:30pm to go to arrive to this location in time. He looks at me and doesn’t say anything and I was too busy to keep standing there, but he heard me loud and clear. At 11am I saw him when I passed by the workshop and I told him again, he nods. At 12:45pm, he came to the office and I yet again repeated once more and this time he took the clipboard with the paper form that had the address and timing and notes with him. So I needed to no longer monitor him anymore. I went to buy lunch close to 1pm.

I come back to the office, half worked and half ate, and I saw the clipboard on the table again sometime later. I look at the clock and it’s 1:50pm. I immediately grabbed it and went down to the workshop to look for him, he was sitting there on the bench, smoking and looking around. I handed over the clipboard to him and told him it’s 10 mins before reaching 2pm, why haven’t you started your journey? He told me “the worker that goes with him is on his lunch break” We have 30-35 workers, some weren’t on their breaks, and could’ve been dragged out if it was urgent but the driver insisted to choose that one that was eating lunch. The driver could’ve left at 1:30pm, back then when no one was eating lunch. Or he could’ve informed the people he brings out to go to lunch sooner. So he said he can reach on time and he left the office at 2pm. But at 2:30pm, the woman called me asking where my driver was. I quickly called my driver and he told me he just reached them, it was 2:35pm then. I immediately call back the woman to inform her and to apologies the delay, she told me it is fine and that can she pay the deposit money later by transferring it over because she had left her cheque book in the car and she was in a rush to leave so she couldn’t go down to the parking lot to get it and go up to give it to my driver. I told her yes that can work and I called my driver to tell him that she will transfer it so he doesn’t have to ask, he said okay. Later on the same day the woman called my coworker who spoke to her about the price to refurbish her couch, she called and said a lot of things like our driver was late, and didn’t bring the material samples and so on, and that it’s a lot of hassle for her to have to find a bank to bank in the deposit money. This isn’t the first time a customer complained about our driver being late, in my own grounds I was back talked rudely by three customers so far because of my driver who doesn’t really care about this place.

But I didn’t say anything to my boss or what not, but my coworker did ask me what was up when he saw me on the phone so long and I just said some customer is really furious that we were late, my coworker just shrugs it off with an “aw well, can’t do anything about that now.” But this time the customer called him and he told my boss, whom got mad and asked me if I’ve told our driver that he was suppose to get to this address at 2pm. I told him I did(but I don’t think my boss believes anything I say, cause he asked me 4-5 times the same thing afterwards), then my boss asks me to give him the paper form where we write the details. I gave it to him and he saw that I wrote down that my driver needs to bring samples and saw that I wrote down arrive at 2pm sharp. So, when it was time to close, my boss called me out and I stood there awkward in front of my other office coworkers and my boss asked me if I have told my driver and reminded him of the time he was suppose to go! At this point I was tired of repeating myself but of course I kept my best professional answer and attitude. Then he calls the driver and asks him “what happened, why were you late? The delay affected us to not receive any deposit money nor the customer to choose what color she wants” The driver then said that I didn’t tell him to bring the samples. I’m going to be honest, I did not tell him but usually our drivers looks at the notes we wrote down before going. Our other drivers always does this and he gets the sample himself, unless he doesn’t know which is which he comes to me. But this other driver was forgetful enough to not read nor see that I’ve been telling him he needs to reach at 2pm and no other time, but latest by 2:30pm. So he says strongly that I didn’t tell him and that he doesn’t know as my boss expressed his anger towards him because he was late. My boss got to the point where he started shouting, asking “I don’t know who to say is to blame, is it you(he points to me) who has communications problems with the customer and our drivers, or you(he points to the old man) for being late or is it the customer fault who maybe didn’t say she was in a rush?). After that briefing, I felt bad, but I knew it wasn’t my fault, but I still feel bad. This is day 2 that the driver didn’t come in because he is mad. My mothers boyfriends sister who also helps out here asked straightaway yesterday if I mentioned anything to the driver about the samples. I told her I wrote it down there but he didn’t look like he was suppose to. And then she repeats that “she doesn’t know who’s to blame, and that you should’ve told him in a loud voice cause sometimes his hearing is a bit iffy” She mentioned it this morning as well, and this time she told me he is mad at me and he says I didn’t note him about the sample, and that I should go down and apologize to him so he’d come into work again. Now, it’s 3:52pm, and she’s giving me an attitude because of this reason.

I don’t think I can go apologize to him. I’ve always been this person who would stand up for my rights and would never bow down to someone that doesn’t deserve it. I can honestly say I can’t care less of the driver is coming to work, I don’t really care if he’s angry that my boss finally said something about this habit of his. But, I do regret not telling him thinking he’d look at the notes himself, and now I’m just sunk into this pool of guilt like this whole thing is my fault, if not, then the material sample thing is. How do I move forward from this? Should I wait for this feeling to pass? Or should I do something about it? This week has been sending me down a spiral. Just now I realized this folded paper my coworker put on my desk when I was away of the stocks I need to order had two more fabrics I needed to order inside! I didn’t see it so I didn’t order. But it was somewhat okay to order now cause the client isn’t in a rush for us to get their things done, but I still feel bad and judged. Another surprise today was this person who had two chairs, and one stool, when my driver collected it, he wrote down the stool the person wanted light blue and the couch(suppose to be chairs) he wanted dark blue. I saw there was no couch so I asked my driver, and he said the stool and the chair that goes with it wants light blue, and the other chair without the stool wants dark blue, so I wrote it exactly as it is after I myself called the customer to make sure because my coworker told me this customers one of the hard ones to solve. So I called and the customer said yes yes thats correct.

But now, the customer only wanted the stool to be light blue and the rest dark blue, and we’ve already ordered the fabrics, so now we have 8 meter of light blue fabric extra and I feel so bad right now, I’m on the edge of breaking. My coworker asked me and I honestly told him I don’t remember that day very well but I am sure positive that that’s what my driver told me because I sat him down and asked him to explain it clearly, and that I called the customer before to confirm before writing down the color. But, that fabric is unfortunately one of the expensive ones, and my coworker wasn’t really listening to me when he asked me for an answer. I am sitting here right now, just preparing myself for my boss to shout at me and give me some attitude because of this. I’m hopeless to the point where I don’t even want to explain anymore since they wouldn’t believe me anyways. I have made one mistake before, so I’m not saying I’m don’t make any, when I made the previous mistake I looked into it for 2 minutes and realized it was all on me, so I straightaway looked for my boss around the building and apologized, and told him it wasn’t anyone’s fault, it was mine, and whatever amount of money that was lost he can cut it out of my paycheque. I actually panicked and feared it, but I didn’t want him blaming anyone or trying to figure out who’s fault it is and never finding the answer. I believed he needed and deserved the truth and I told him, but I kind of feel like because that I admitted now almost all mistakes are me? For the reasons being; I’m the newest here so I’m bound to forget things and make mistakes and for how sometimes when it isn’t my fault but my coworkers but they still blame me cause they’re afraid to admit it. Throughout my months here I’ve never seen any of them admit anything straightaway when it was openly their fault. I know these type of drama’s happens in every workplace, but I have worked previously and that place had problems too, but never ones as immature as these, I’m still surprised at how my boss can come to me and tell me strongly that I should do something to advertise because there isn’t much business when I’m a receptionist….

It’s very hard to find a light in this dark surrounding right now. I’m that type of person who holds a lot of responsibilities in silence, even outside of work I would think like “darn, I should’ve brought our name card because that restaurants chairs looks damn torn.” no matter how badly this place has treated me. I can empathize and offer to help clean up one of my coworkers mess, but when it comes to me or even when it doesn’t I’m blamed when it’s not me, or I’m judged when it is. I’m thinking about writing a resume, but I am only 19, and one thing that’s keeping me from interviewing at different places is because I have never gone to school and I feel hopeless because of that. I was never in high school, and unfortunately i was that type who liked learning.

Would places or companies willing to hire me knowing that I’ve never finished primary school or gone to high school? Is there any hope for me? Anyone out there went or is going through a similar road? What type of job can I get when I’m in a country that English isn’t it’s main language, and when I don’t know the main language(I actually learned a few bits but I can’t start a conversation.) We have three races here, and I know how to speak one language because I’m born into that race, I learned English overseas and now most people who comes by and talks to me when I’m in the office says I’m really good at it(though, not to be narcissistic it’s just that English teachings here are unfortunately kind of low compared to other places, but I’m considered the best at English even though to me it’s nothing special, but it is an advantage I guess in job interviewing but sadly the main language, is what most people want here, and I don’t know it.

Thanks, Annie,

For listening again. And thanks for the GED suggestion, I have been looking into it recently. Regarding the question about what I’m good at is that, I’ve noticed can pick up things as I go quite easily and fast, either it be someone teaching me or I read about it online and repeat it till I’m getting it’s rhythm. I can multitask as well, on 3-4 things or 5 things tops otherwise I’d get distracted if they’re completely different subjects. I did do well in this position some time ago when I was managing 10-15 new people daily through messaging, phone calls or emails. I also did scheduling a lot, ten-fifteen places with 6 different people per day. I can manage my tasks well if I can have some alone time to do it without anyone coming up to me every five minutes or so to tell me to do something or to get something. I can be on the phone and my coworker can carelessly come up to me and tell me to do this and to call that person even though he’s suppose to and that person has been talking to him all along.

I don’t mind it if I was free to help him but when my plate is full I don’t like it when he gives me his tasks and then goes off to surf the web personally or talk on the phone with his friends. I don’t snitch, but I did say that was enough and told him to call the person himself because I’m busy and I don’t want to delay his customer. But my coworker literally said “do it when you’re not busy.” and walks out of the office as he says it. I’m someone who can get angry easily but I never show it, I think before I act out anything, I don’t and would hate it if I have hurt someones feelings. But yes, lately they are very used to dumping everything to me, and my coworker even just yesterday gave me a briefing and hypocritically said that I should not hug all responsibilities by myself after giving me words on mistakes I did(even though I’ve only made two big ones, the others we’re just blames that no one listens to my side). But I have seek out for some helping hand, from him as well as the other two people, but none of them helped, some looked away from their youtube scree, and instead gave me more things of their own for me to do. I’ve told myself to take things slow but I seem to forget something when I have too much to do, is there anyway I can overcome this forgetfulness? Today I logged into my google account and I started putting in virtual notes on the google calendar since I couldn’t get a notebook like I requested because my coworker says she can’t frequently use the money from the cashier, whereas she bought this big file of calendar and notes thing and put it on her desk sometime earlier Lol. Overall I’m really worried that I would forget things again in the future. I don’t forget all the time but that doesn’t mean I won’t. I’ve tried confronting my coworker and immediately tell him I can’t do this on my own, but they don’t seem to help, but I know if they keep giving me these tasks out of my department I’m going to mess up big time sooner or later.