Hi pollypeeps17,
It seems to me like this situation has been completely thrown out of proportion and I’m sorry to hear this.
I agree he should’ve contacted you whilst he was out, the non response isn’t very nice – however, what was the length of non-response?
You say your marriage has nothing to do with his cousin.. but is it ok for you to involve his Mum by texting her asking if he was home? I sense some insecurity here, would that be right?
I think he felt smoothered by the fact that he had text you back saying he wanted a cuddle too and would get a taxi soon, but we all know when we’re having a laugh and a drink an hour feels like 10 minutes. A song he may have liked may have come on, he may have met up with an old friend or was just having a good time and didn’t realise the time.. at 10:45 you text and said you wanted a cuddle, I presume he text back around 11pm, no sign at 12pm.. that’s only an hour, which isn’t a long time really when you think about it especially if the taxi trip would’ve been 20ish minutes.
I’m trying not to go to deep into the facts of what has happened but it seems like some insecurity going on – why does it matter that he didn’t come home in a certain time frame? If he never came home at all I think that would be the concern. What if you were out and you said to him I’ll be home soon (no specifics) then your girl friends brought more drinks, your favorite song came on and you got chatting? Would he ask where you are?

Silent treatment from him isn’t good for anyone, particularly with the history you have. I’m sorry to hear that. I’m not sure you’re fully healed from a lot of things, self love, self appreciation and your own approval is very important.

Are you seeking help in a form of a counsellor?

I think sitting down with him, and only him, and explaining how you interpreted or felt from the situation would help.
Try to use I messages… “I felt worried because I thought ‘soon’ meant within the next hour, then when I couldn’t get hold of you I felt upset” Don’t say “I felt sad that YOU didn’t call me, therefore YOUR selfish” all he will hear is what he HAS or HASN’T done wrong and not how YOU feel.

Can I ask, why were you so worried when he didn’t come home when he said? Honestly…

Poppy

Hi pollypeeps17,
What am I hearing is “stay out as it costs £30 for a taxi” – was the plan for him to get a train to you a definite and in place? Or was it a suggestion, with no agreement to it?

How come you cancel your plans? You should have time with your friends as well. You should have two lives technically, one with your husband, one with your friends. I guess in a way you probably resent doing that, but you do it to please him and in a way, maybe expect the same back from him?
You can’t worry about the future – him fighting. You’re not sure it would happen, and if it does, he needs to deal with the consequences, you can’t do the ‘feeling’ for him, he needs to feel the consequences etc of his actions, don’t take that on, that’s his not yours. I’m not saying you’re a bad person for doing that, I get that you care, but that’s not your stuff – those mountains you’re carrying you were only meant to climb 🙂

You said “At the start of Jan he promised we would talk more and he wouldn’t use the silent treatment because it upsets me so much and we would spend more time together.” from what you have said, he hasn’t spoken more and has used the silent treatment on you – so you need to start showing that respect that you have for yourself and telling me he isn’t doing what he promised. How many times has he done this? Because the more he does this and ‘gets away with it’ the longer it will continue.