My input is that your expectation that “they can learn to accept me for who I am and not judge me all over again” may be unrealistic. If your grandmother is very invested in the bible with its abomination for homosexuals, she is NOT likely at all to accept you or learn to accept you. To accept you for being a homosexual/ gay, would mean to NOT accept the bible. Which is likely to happen: her accepting you OR continuing to accept the bible? If your father is not highly invested in the bible and if his homophobic feelings are not all- consuming, he may make an exception for his little girl.

anita

I would not push it with your father, that is, after you tell him in no uncertain terms that you are gay, I wouldn’t KEEP telling him that again and again. You already told him. If he treats you respectfully and does not give you any negative talk about you being gay- I would drop the issue from your conversations and interactions with him. It really is not his fault that he FEELS negatively toward homosexuality- he can’t help what he feels just like you can’t help being attracted to girls. So why give him a hard time?

So after telling him (and you did)- don’t keep telling him. If you are about to get married to a woman, you can let him know that- significant things about your life, but otherwise talk with him about other, real aspects of your life.

Same prinicple with anyone, really, tell them once and if they do not mistreat you, do not keep telling them. Talk with them about other, real life things. Do not hide but do not push it either.

As new people come into your life, you can permit only people who feel okay about you being gay. Regarding people who are already in your life, who you care about, and who do not mistreat you- I suggest the attitude I wrote about here.

anita

You misunderstood me. I didn’t suggest that you do NOT tell your father. Tell him all you need to tell him once, and when you already told him, don’t keep telling him the same thing with the motivation, maybe, that his feelings about homosexuality will change. Just let it go and communicate with him about other things, that is, for as long as he respects you and does not mistreat you. This way you both respect each other’s feelings.
anita

Why don’t you rest, take a time off from coming out. You just started coming out a few weeks ago. You need time out, relax. The operate from a CALM, relaxed state of mind.

And when you are calm, you can re-read your posts and comments- and even take notes (it helps me)- and make a plan.

Write again after you are rested.
anita

Imagine for a second that each person’s faith is like a different language, individually different to each single person(no one ever feels their own faith in the same way, and no one would ever translate the dogma of religion in the same way either). Some people may equate the word “gay” with “hell” and others equate the word “gay” with “love”. If they’re your family, and they equate the word “gay” with “hell” then they probably also do so in order to communicate “love” in some roundabout way(thinking that by warning you of what they fear about hell, they are showing their own kind of love).
Eventually, all that should matter in ‘coming out’ is that you feel this love for your self, independent of anyone. So let that love you feel for yourself guide you, and no matter what people think or say, your heart will remain strong, on a path between all these imagined constructs of heaven and hell, all that truly matters is love. Love yourself, and those that truly matter and understand, will follow.