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My girlfriend broke up with me due to her depression

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • January 5, 2023 at 8:33 pm #413275
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Joe: I will read and reply in about 12 hours from now.

    anita

    January 6, 2023 at 10:52 am #413293
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Joe:

    I am sorry that you are going through a breakup and a heartache!

    “She  was stressed out due nursing school“- I am guessing that nursing school, similar to medical school, is very demanding and stressful.

    “she never had bad trauma except of her strict parents who control her“- growing up and still living with strict parents doesn’t help her stress level, to say the least, does it…

    “we had arguments“- the way I understand it, is that even though your arguments did not last long, they were still a source of stress for her. When added to her other two stresses (above), it was too much for her. And so, she had to remove some stress from her life: she can’t remove her strict parents from her life because she is living with them and is financially supported by them (?); she didn’t want to quit nursing school,  so.. she quit you.

    “The day she broke up with me… (she said) all these hurtful things regarding our relationship“- what did she say, if I may ask?

    anita

    January 6, 2023 at 11:42 am #413299
    Joe
    Participant

    Nursing school

    With nursing school, her mind set is to finish school because she used to be active for the military and was completely happy before she moved back home. So since she failed one of her classes, she has to watch her new friends she made graduate before her and it hitted hard.
    She didn’t want to quit nursing school cause her pride is there, she doesn’t want to quit something she started even she hated nursing school and nursing in general. Her parent are financial supporting with a home but she mostly got everything covered by the military.

     

    the day she broke up with me was her being emotional due to a lot of unfortunate situation I can’t say. But the main thing is that she doesn’t see a future with me and the con outweigh the pro. I tried asking her to clarify and she said whenever she talks about her problem with me, it feel like she’s talking to her mom. Whenever she’s down, I always try to give her advice and all she wanted me to do was sit and be there for her cause I have been in the situation so it was jsut me trying to help her out also she felt like we never do things that we plan cause it’s always ever changing. I have notice those signs and tried to do everything under plan the past couple months before the breakup but I guess she couldn’t see it. We spent our last day together and she told me that she didn’t want to her love for me into hatebdue to her depression. She did apologize about the day we broke about what she said and told me she still loves me. I even asked if she’s going to talk about our relationship in therapy and she said no because our relationship was not the cause of my depression

     

    January 6, 2023 at 12:09 pm #413300
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Joe:

    “She said whenever she talks about her problem with me, it feel like she’s talking to her mom… We spent our last day together and she told me that she didn’t want to her love for me into hate“- read like she’s been angry with her mother and with you (projecting her mother into you, perhaps): she wouldn’t be worried about hating you, if she didn’t already feel anger at you.

    “the main thing is that she doesn’t see a future with me and the con outweigh the pro“- reads like she gave the relationship and the breakup some thought before actually breaking up with you, enough thought to come up with cons and pros.

    “She did apologize about the day we broke (up) about what she said, and told me she still loves me. I even asked if she’s going to talk about our relationship in therapy and she said no because our relationship was not the cause of (her) depression“- when people break up, they usually try to be gentle about it, to not hurt the other person’s feelings more than is necessary. It may very well be that she still loves you though, but her love may not be enough to outweigh the cons she has in mind, and the anger.

    anita

    January 6, 2023 at 2:17 pm #413307
    Joe
    Participant

    I know I should be working on myself but she still keeps me in contact and still have each other location. She tells me that she wouldn’t want me yo wait for her cause she doesn’t know when she will get better. I know deep down she loves me cause the way we spend our last day together was genuine. Should I give her the space she needs and just focus on myself?

    January 6, 2023 at 2:38 pm #413309
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Joe:

    “Should I give her the space she needs and just focus on myself?“- yes: only within the space that she needs, can she figure out what it is that she needs. During this time, there are Mindfulness Practices that you can put into practice so to live-in- the-moment, no longer getting lost in regrets about the past and worries about the future. Are you aware of Mindfulness? If not, there are resources online, including on the front page of this website, under BLOG (Mindfulness & Peace). I will be back to the computer Sat morning (in 16 hours from now), if not earlier.

    anita

    January 7, 2023 at 4:06 am #413322
    LunaIsHere
    Participant

    Dear Joe,

    I hope this reply finds you well.

    While reading your submission, I felt so much depth behind the story of your relationship and I caught on the care that each of you have for each other. From what it seems to me and from your narration, I feel like this could be a decisive time for your relationship and that does not necessarily mean a bad thing. In this sense, since evolving is only natural and you both seem to have a great love for each other, getting through this tough time for both you as individuals and partners will do wonders for your relationship if you do find each other again. This is the best time to wish each other well, to learn to be patient, to find the courage within yourseleves to go through life and its challenges, this the time to explore your possibilities as individuals and together as partners or as people who really care for each other (labels aside).

    While I can see how this time might feel really hard for you, and for her as well, it is going to test the depth of your relationship in a way that you will have a direction if you come back together, and even parting, although it does sound tough right now, would be done mindfully. The most important thing, right now, it seems to me, is for you to have no expectations and let go of any outcome. You need to be sure of what you want so that when the time comes to make a decision, whatever it is, you will make it proudly and certaintly.

    For now, as well, do your best to listen to how you feel and take care of yourself, and be receptive when she needs help. Those moments of help are always remembered. It is most likely that you will be a good and sweet memory of her if your hand is outstreched for her to hold regardless of the outcome after her healing process. Have faith in the beauty of your relationship and have faith in yourself that this is temporary and better times are coming for both you. I wish you both the very best and I hope that you can find comfort in these words somehow.

    Also, I wish her a successful healing and I hope you both find the strength that you need in these hard times.

    Be well.

    Sending you peace and love your way today,

    -LunaisHere

    January 10, 2023 at 2:03 am #413550
    Joe
    Participant

    Just an update on my life. She hasn’t contact me yet and my anxiety shot off the roof today. It’s been super hard but I got it under control, once I got it under control… I recieved more bad news, my niece has cancer and my second mother has passed away. I don’t know how to process anything and I just feel numb… this has been too much for me and I feel like I’m going to lose myself even more

    January 10, 2023 at 2:36 am #413551
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Joe

    I’m so sorry, you must be going through hell right now. My condolences for the passing of your second mother. I hope that your niece’s cancer will be treatable.

    I think it’s understandable that you feel numb considering the situation. You are dealing with so much in a short space of time. Everyone deals with grief in different ways, so please have patience with yourself and do your best to take care of yourself during this difficult time.

    Would you like to talk about any of this? Please feel free to share whatever you want to.

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