Home→Forums→Relationships→My family makes it hard to live with them?
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Mike.
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October 5, 2015 at 7:47 pm #84798
Anonymous
GuestDear Phoebe:
I don’t think you are overreacting at all. I think you should move out, really! The texting exchange with your mother is disturbing to me. In it, you are reasonable and willing to accommodate, please and appease. On the other hand your mother is unreasonable, blaming, and she repeatedly refused, in the exchange you quoted here, to acknowledge your efforts to accommodate her. She did not acknowledge your apology (even though you had no reason to apologize).
In the exchange you quoted your mother is repeatedly blaming you with no valid reason to blame you. That is disturbing to me. Your sister as well is blaming you and your father. To me, it is not that they don’t trust you to be mature, it is that the three, supporting each other in this, have a need to blame you and single you out as the one to blame. It seems to me that you are a the scapegoat of this family, the one to blame.
And not because you are guilty of anything but simply because your mother NEEDS to blame someone and your sister carries on the same role, blaming you and your father, maybe he agrees with your mother because it is easier for him to do so.
It is not about you, nothing you are doing wrong. It is about them, something is wrong with them to single you out as the one to point a finger at. It is your … given Family Role.
Reject it by moving out. I am sorry this is your situation!
anita
October 7, 2015 at 5:10 am #84970Mike
ParticipantWhat is your birth order? Parents often treat siblings differently based on where they fall in the family. Not only that, but girls and boys are treated differently. At 21 you are still quite young age wise, but most 21 year olds are fully capable to be independent of their parents and to your mother you are probably still seen as not yet independent enough to safely navigate the world. If you are the “baby” of the family, your mom might not like the fact that now you are grown up and she may never let you grow up. On top of that your mom may have her own anxiety and worry issue that she needs to take care of, obviously don’t tell her that unless you want to have another fight. It does no good for her to stay up worrying, and calling the police at 2:00 a.m in the morning is going to do what if you just went out that same night? They aren’t going to waste their time with that. Your mom could and should just go to sleep, she can wake up see if you are home at 2 if she wants, ask if you are safe, you respond and that is the end of until you get home. There is no point on you living at home if your mom is going to delay your growing up process. You would be much better gaining life experience and maturity by moving out on to your own. You will probably have deal with some stuff, like her saying that you are just moving out because you have a problem with being courteous, following rules or whatever, but your 20’s are the years when your brain begins to fully mature and you begin to develop into a full blown adult, in your situation you shouldn’t wait to start this process, because the more your mother makes you rely on her in various ways the more these attitudes will stick on you and the longer it will take to sever the chord that she has wrapped around you even when you move out. Sometimes parents form a bond with their children and just can not let them grow up. If you wait to long she will be texting you when you are 30 at midnight asking if you are at home and who wants that.
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