Is getting to be very painful. A year and a half ago my brother and I still talked, my toxic father and I still spoke, my sister wasn’t complaining about my mom, my mom was a bit more chill. Fast forward to now as I’m laying in bad feeling anxious and upset. None of those former things are true anymore. While I’ve come to accept my lack of relationship with my dad/brother it makes me sad. While I have hope that my relationship with my brother can be mended I’m still mad that he insisted on making things more difficult. He doesn’t like my dad (as I do). But instead of moving out like a normal adult he continues to live with him while simultaneously not really speaking to me or my mom. He and my sister speak though. And they speak because my sister doesn’t believe in “tough love” she wants to be everyone’s friend. I don’t like my brother’s behavior so I haven’t bothered to reach out plus he blocked me (recently unblocked me though).

Yesterday my mom is interested in going on a mini-vacation before she buries her mom who passed away in March. I agree to go. But when I ask my sister if she wants to go she says “no” that it’ll be “awkward”. I ask her that we’re family. And that while my mom has been short-tempered lately that isn’t confirmation that a trip/vacation is going to be bad. She said she didn’t feel like being criticized by mom for 2 days. I told her her opinion on my mom is constantly flip-flopping. One minute they’re cool the next they’re not. I told her she/and my brother didn’t do anything with her last year and now it’s the same this year. She then said she had to work but at this point I didn’t care because that wasn’t what she lead with. I was angry because we haven’t hung out as a family all year. Which is fine it’s been a crazy year because of Covid-19 . And her reasoning for not wanting to go would make sense if it weren’t an assumption and if it wasn’t bad timing (right before my mom buries our grandma ). I told her she was a joke, that she was making me angry, that her and my brother were the ones making everything weird/awkward, that she was weird. I told my sister to at least give my mom a year to mourn before she starts distancing herself from my mom (because my mom isn’t the spawn of Satan and also because sometimes my sister deserves the criticism because she does bad things/makes mistakes). I told her that if she didn’t go that I would no longer speak to her because it’s just poor timing. I could careless if she wanted to go or not if my grandma never died and if my brother was still speaking to my mom but that’s not the case.  I feel like she’s making everything about her feelings and just not empathizing. Regardless I’m still going to go, and if she doesn’t that’s cool. I’d of just lost respect for her and I probably won’t speak to her as much. She did say she’ll get my mom something or plan something separately but I doubt it. And as far as my brother goes the man is a hermit and it would’ve been a miracle if he tagged along.