Im 19 and i got my dog, cocker spaniel named Tara when i was 3. I grew up with herm She was amazing dog. Everytime i felt sad she was there for me and i really cared for her.

She died 4 days ago due to liver cancer and we had to put her to sleep. The month before her death she was feeling unwell from time to time and luckily we were with her so we could take her to the vet. They gave her the injection and she was OK for some time. Until this happened several time, a vet recommended we try giving her steroids to keep her feeling well. And they helped. Until the day she died i woke up in the middle of the night when i heard her walking strange (i heard her nails when she was walking on the floor) and i saw her feeling sick again. My sister took her to the emergency vet and the injection wasnt helping anymore. She was then taken to the vet living near our house where she told my sister that they couldnt help her anymore. My sister called me to school and she told me we need to put her to sleep. I was broken. My friend took me to the vet and Tara was there with my sister. I think she fell in some kind of shock because she was shaking and she had a blank stare in her eyes and she couldnt move. But when i came in she began to wag her tail. This broke my heart. I was holding her paw and the vet came in and she put her to sleep. I was holding her paw until the moment she stoppen shaking and vet told us she fell asleep.

I told her to say hy to my deceased dad and she was gone.

From this day it kills me when i remember all the times I was angry whem i came home and i wouldnt even aknowledge her. And i was rude to her some times. I dont know what to do. Despite all these things i still loved Tara. She was my favorite dog and i dont know how to apologize to her now that shes gone.

i put my doggie to sleep today. I miss him so much. I know he was in pain and quality of life means more than quantity. But I am guilty of not telling him I loved him everyday. I love him, even now, more than words can express. I hope that even in his blindness, unsteadiness and old age that he knew that. I feel bad that he hung on for me.

Should I have done this sooner? should I of gotten up early everyday, because i truly regret the days I slept in and didn’t pay him any attention. I should have done so much more for my dog and don’t want to breath anymore. I am not the same person. Should I have taken him to the vet sooner and had him put on pills/meds? I miss him barking. I miss him following me around the apartment. I miss him.