I accidentally clicked on this topic and wow, I think it was meant for me to do so. I too, went through the same thing at the age of 12. It was also someone in the family. I tried telling my family members when I was younger but no one believed me or “didn’t want to get involved”. I told my mother at the age of 20 and she called me a liar and didn’t believe me. Now THAT definitely felt like abandonment. I resented (sometimes still do) my entire family, especially my mom. I feel like we’ll never really get 100 percent over the situation but yes, we can be “fixed”, we can change and we will survive! Through years of therapy, I was able to overcome this. Although it still bothers me at the age of 25, I am more at peace with it. I learned that we are NOT our circumstances. The events that have occurred in our lives do not define us. We choose who we are. We can learn from this, become stronger, grow, and continue to live a great life. Don’t let this affect your life or relationships (I did & regret it). That sick-o that did that to you is living his/her life happily and you’re just here sabotaging your relationships. It isn’t fair to you and those around you. I encourage you to please seek help. There are many places that offer free counseling for sexually abused victims. I know therapy can be something not many people want to do but this can be a huge step in your journey for recovery. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I wish I could say more but just remember that this is coming from someone who went through something similar as you and I am living proof that we can overcome that trauma in our childhood! Good luck with everything. I hope you find peace.

Dear Tyler Sant:

The details are not necessary, share only what you feel comfortable to share.

You wrote: ” I need to hear… that people survive this”- yes, people survive this, you are proof that people do survive abuse, neglect, misfortune.

You wrote: “I need to hear that i can be fixed, that i can change”- yes, you can. Healing is a process that I am engaged in, seventh year now. I believe healing is about making one’s mind congruent with reality, believing what is true, not what is convenient to believe or what people encourage that we believe. Here is an example:

You wrote about your parents: “they are great parents. They gave me everything…  they didn’t protect me of didn’t give my abuse much thought, makes me feel….abandoned.”- great parents protect their children from abuse whenever possible. When abuse happened and the child is troubled, they notice and attend to the child, help him. If you were not protected and not noticed, then you were indeed abandoned.

It is not about the act of blaming, it is about assigning different people the appropriate responsibility for their actions or lack of. This is the only way to assign yourself your true responsibility, which in the case of your abuse, is zero.

You wrote: “No matter how many people love me, i feel abandoned and tend to run away from them”- it is important to recognize abandonment when it happened, recognize where there was no love, so that you can recognize love when it is available to you. You can trust love only if it is love, that is, when you are noticed, seen, attended to, helped.

anita