The attachment should also have links to more autism friendly sites that advocate for autistic people rather than wanting to cure us.

I understand that you’re trying to help. Just seeing the name of that organization triggered me. It reminded me of all those years when I spent time in autism groups. They were cringey. Thankfully, I’m hanging around people close to my age. I’m also going to start a new thread because this one is getting too long and I want to write more of a grammatically correct title.

Hey Anita, it’s me again.

I understand where you’re coming from.

I’ll spare you the details of the latest family ordeal. It was the same old stuff.

Thankfully, I listen to hz music to calm myself down. It’s gradually becoming to a point where I have to leave my house early enough to not hear any arguments in the morning, if not, throughout the whole day. It’s not like they can do anything to me. I was this close to screaming and feeling so overwhelmed. I’m not sure what time it is in your time zone, but here, it’s 5 in the afternoon. I do remember you telling me that it would take over 12 hours for you to answer my posts, which I’m fine since I have other things to do.

I can’t tell you how grateful I am for you. If it wasn’t for this website, among other resources, I wouldn’t be able to breathe above water. I thought about going back to writing poetry again. I’ll share some with you guys.

Maybe

Maybe you were always this way

Shrouded under

the secret nature

of your shadow self

Breathing underwater,

you couldn’t get help

The darkness inside of you was piling

as Cerebus breathed down your neck

Hades was attempting to take you

into his Underworld,

but his vibrant wife,

who is Queen,

let everything be green,

Inside, you knew ,

that spring had finally begun.

It happened earlier in the morning. I was trying to clean up the house because my mother is convinced that she has a stomach bug. Long story short, I had put my phone on top of the fruit plate so that I could wipe up the table. She didn’t like that. And when I wanted to clean up the stove, she repeated herself by saying that I had to use the bleached paper towels. What really got me was when I was trying to do the dishes, and she honest to God just overwhelmed me. I could understand that from my stepdad. By the way, they got married a couple of years ago. But her? She has been a very different person for a long time and I’m just now seeing that.

If you’re comfortable with answering my question, is your family this way? If not, I’ll happily swap with you. Or live with you. Haha. Funny joke. I also need to remember that there’s a reason why I don’t follow a lot of people online.

She overwhelmed me by saying I did a half ass job, a criticism I’ve heard before.

I can’t think about it anymore. I’m considering cutting off contact from my family if I ever leave and save enough money. I’m still nervous sometimes that they’ll see this knowing how the internet is, but knowing their personalities and my own personality, it’s unlikely.

The reason I said that she’s been a different person for a long time is because of my stepdad. She curses more often. She complains a lot more than usual. Honestly, she just drains my energy. I’ve even considered leaving the house without anyone knowing to get away from conflict. I’m not good with it and I never will be. I can mediate between two people, but that’s it.

That would mean eating breakfast earlier, taking a shower earlier without no one wanting me to help cook or clean. I’m authentically done. She was unhappy with my father too, but at least she wasn’t cynical about life. At least I’m still saving money to continue going to therapy in the future. I have to remember that I’m not a teenager anymore. None of this is my fault.