Dear Muskan:

You shared that you have been with your (no ex) boyfriend B for 10 years, since 12th grade. He was your first and only boyfriend. At one point, you felt that you were “the luckiest girl on the world”. But there were bad times: the two of you lived separately in a new city. You earned well at your job there, but you were lonely, not having friends. You wanted to  be with him and only with him.

He, on the other hand, had many friends and didn’t want to spend his time only with you. He was angry at you for wanting to spend more time with him than he wanted to spend with you. He then suffered a financial hardship with his startup business, and there were fights. He hit you three times during those fights…

“Then one day, he called telling me he is engaged and from that day my life has been ruined. I  am trying to talk to him but he is not talking to me. I miss him and want him back…what should I do?”-

– First, I am sorry about your heartache. I wish things were different for you, and that you were feeling much better than you are feeling right now.

Second, as to your question about what you should do: I don’t think that you should contact him again. You should not beg him to get back with you. I don’t think that any good will come out of you begging him. Do you?

Are you still all alone in the new city, no friends.. no one?

anita

Dear Muskan:

I can almost feel your pain, how real it is for you. It is now night-time where I live, so I am not focused. I would like to come back to your thread and reply further Sat morning, in about 11 hours from now. If you want to share more about the relationship, the nature of the best of times and the worst of times (the fights), please do. I will read and reply when I am back.

anita

Dear Muskan:

I feel sad reading how he was your first and only boyfriend, how much you wanted to be with him and only with him (“I wanted to be around him only”), and then you got disappointed and heartbroken.

Wanting to be around him only makes me think of a the song Only You which was originally recorded many, many years ago, in 1955. The words are: “Only you can make this world seem right, Only you can make the darkness bright, Only you, and you alone, can thrill me like you do, And fill my heart with love for only you… When you hold my hand, I understand the magic that you do, You’re my dream come true, My one and only you”- I think you can relate to these words, don’t you?

The person who wrote these words is Samuel “Buck” Ram who  was born more than a hundred years ago, in 1907. He died in 1991. Why am I telling you this? To show you that what you feel for your ex-boyfriend is felt and has been felt by millions of people, men and women, for centuries, and many felt this “Only You” feelings for one person, then got heartbroken.. then recovered and ended up feeling this Only You for another person.

You only experienced one man, and you experienced the good and (quite a bit of bad), but think of how big the world is: surely there is a man out there who is better for you, a man with whom there will be no fights and no hitting,  a man with whom you can live in peace.

anita

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by .

Dear Karma:

By making him feel guilty I meant that if a woman has no friends and wants to spend all her time with her boyfriend, but her boyfriend needs to spend some of his time away from his girlfriend, alone, or with his friends (not including cheating on his girlfriend!), and the girlfriend complains to him about it, telling him how lonely she is without him, that it hurts her feelings that he prefers his friends over her, etc., etc., then he may feel guilty, like he is a bad person when he is.. not a bad person. Did I explain myself well?

anita

Dear Karma:

I feel badly for you. Please try to calm down and think that your situation is not as bad as it feels like. I will be back to your thread in about 12 hours and reply further, Feel free to post again before I return.

aniya