So far this break practically ended on its own, he calls me his girlfriend and speaks about us as if none of the break drama happened. I dont mind him just completely ignoring all the hurt and drama especially when things are going well. My only concern is that we havent spoken any of that problems and pain from the break through. How do i know what state of heart his in or if his just testing the waters to see if he really wants to be with me. Today is suppose to be our anniversary and i dont want to remind him…i dont want to be the one chasing him and doing all the effort. Hes still working on his financial state as the money from this fight isnt going to last forever. I support his ventures and i do my best not to have too much of a say in his plans. I want to give him his freedom and not pressure him into loving me. He was really battling with his sex drive for about 3 weeks. We were doing okay but he was training alot and he was exhausted 90% of the time. I really felt that maybe he truly doesnt feel that way about me anymore. And i know he was casually chatting to other girls while we were on the break. Now that his fights over and he has more time on his hands everything going great, the communication, openness, honesty, affection, playfulness has been wonderful. But i have so much insecurities and i even feel a bit uncomfortable with him seeing my body. I have these thoughts that he sees other attractive women and is stuck with my average body. I know all this these insecure thoughts come from the break and him speaking to other women. But im working on building up my self esteem. I wore this red top that was a bit revealing and he felt very uncomfortable with the other guys looking at me and told me to please not wear it again although he thinks i look hot it in, he doesnt like seeing guys look at me like that. I feel like hes attention was all over the place for the last couple of months and he barely looked at me, only time i got real attention from him during the break was when we would have emotionless sex as he requested. Now that im actually getting noticed by other males he has the nerve to voice his opinion when i stayed loyal to him through all the heartache and while he was actually speaking to other women and ignoring me. One day we were texting and we were sharing how happy we are and i said ” dont worry im not going to pressure you with the I Love You and Forever Crap” he then said ” Thats really mature of you, you so understanding towards my mindset” and i didnt say anything after that, Couple of days later we got into bed and we were cuddling as usually when he randomly said ” *my name* I love you, You are so amazing, you are so thoughtful and so caring, Im so lucky to have you” and i just blanked out in anxiety, i couldn’t get a word out of my mouth. He then asked me if i love him and i paused then said ” Yes I love you too” and then we just held each other tight and fell asleep. The next morning I sent him a text apologizing that i took so long to say i love him too and that i thought we weren’t going to do that again. He didn’t reply and chose to ignore and pretend i didn’t say anything. He looks at me with love in his eyes and wants to spend time with me and make plans together but i have so much anxiety.

I agree, I dont know how long i can pretend im okay with what happened. He has so much guilt around the pain he caused that he will try and justify it all to himself, im bothered he doesnt feel the need to apologize for what he did, im angry at his lack of effort to win me back. He knew i was fighting for the amazing love we once had but to him life grew stagnant and with that loss he faced he became hopeless minded and he became lazy and incompetent in our life together which made me bitter. I do want to speak to him about everything but im waiting for the right time.. having a serious conversation like this too soon can send him back into his anxiety fight or flight mode. He somewhat understands he has a problem emotionally but he doesnt know exactly how to fix it nor where it comes from. He fears that feeling and i cant fix him, he loves me but fears his own emotions when it becomes too much. Him and i became serious to the point he knew he needed to step up as a man but had no drive to actually chase his dreams let alone become financially stable for us to have a future. I grew bitter from doing everything around the house and him being emotionally unavailable. I tried so hard to connect with him that I began to look clingy, i loved him with all my heart but i guess i chose to ignore the signs of him battling internally. When we started arguing more and i started telling him how i felt (all my negative emotions) i expected him to step up and make some changes because the guy he became wasnt the guy i knew him to be. But instead me confirming how hes failing was the last straw for him and he broke down. He wanted to give up on everything. He couldnt face the reality of the man he became so he ran, he tried running from himself. He wanted to be reckless and free so that he doesnt have to feel that way anymore. all that was left was a Arrogant, selfish, ruthless, heartless, emotionless, depressed, confused, and broken man. And i was the shattered woman with tears in her eyes banging on the doors of his heart.

He has really shown a different in hes care for me, and if i want to truly make things work between us i need to pick the right time and the right way to bring up the break.

Im way more emotionally aware than he is, he useto be open to emotions but he now sees it as a vulnerability.  He doesnt know how to handle emotional conversations anymore and he gets anxious when i vent my negative emotions to him (its never about him) but he tries to end the conversation as soon as possible. Its so annoying because we have read so much of the book Men are from mars Women are from venus and that taught us so much about our different needs and why we clash… but he seems to have forgotten all that we have read and learned.

I wish he could be that sweet guy again that planned dates and was romantic. I wish he could take initiative an take charge of our life together. I love a man who knows what he wants and isnt afraid to take his claim, i hate that we aimlessly dating but not actually have constructive conversations that could heal the past and lead our future in the right direction. I unfortunately am dealing with a commitment phobe with childhood issues. That means it isnt as simple as just putting my foot down and demanding what i want. He also needs to feel safe, trusted and comfortable in order for us to work on the issue together and all i can do is allow him to progress in his own time and space. I help him as best as i can and try not make the same mistakes as in the past

His very lazy and his at home during the day as i am at work but everyday i come home to a messy house. Its tiring but i try and not feel resentment in his habits. i need to communicate what i need from him and allow him the opportunity to make certain steps.

Thats sounds like the perfect way to take little steps for him to overcome his and my anxiety. I love making him happy and he loves putting a smile on my face. He just struggles in the romantic effort part. I will give it time an space for him to make a bold move. He is quite sensitive when it comes to other guys taking an interest in me and he fears someone else can make me happier than he can. he plays his confidence cover well and doesnt let me see his jealous side too much. He knows im an amazing woman and he’ll never find such a selfless, caring, gentle and loyal woman as me. Hes own inner battles havent been dealt with and he still has some growing up to do… and thats the type of patience i must have if i want to grow with him. His mother was at his fight and was being her usually narcissist self. But he handled it very well. He has lost all respect for her since he found out the truth about his father. He has witnessed many unhappy marriages in his family and is he wants to be a great father one day, he always looks for good examples of husbands and fathers and he aspires to be just as great in raising a family someday. Hes seen all the bad examples and hes trying to figure out which is the best man and father he could possibly be.

Exactly. He has become so lazy in his effort and if i think about it…. Its because i allowed him to slack down. I always just shrugged off when he forgets things or doesnt put in effort. If i kept my standards from the start he wouldn’t be lazing around. I need to started making for requests in what i would like. Like ask him to plan a date or plan something romantic even if its just at home. I allowed him to just forget about our anniversary and there was zero repercussions. Its really draining and disappointing being with someone who doesnt put in effort to make you feel special. I make sure he always feels like his 1 in a million.

I told him how I’m feeling a little frustrated from the lack of sex and he confessed that he struggles to get sexually excited. I told him it’s caused from lazy habits and it needs to change in order for our sex life to improve.