He has been sick recently and i have been taking care of him and not making him feel bad for anything because he kept apologizing for not being able to do certain things. He apologies every time he doesnt do something forgets something and i reassure him that its not important and its totally ok. And thats another indicator that he is worried that i may reprimand him or call him lazy. He also has been doing chores around the house and remembering little things i mentioned needs to be done but never asked him to do it, he has been doing all these little efforts and ive thanked and praised him for remembering and doing things around the house, i show him how happy it makes me and also makes him feel good and competent inside, i dont complain and whine about anything anymore. All these subtle changes in our communication and relationship is improving things but his desire to be single as well as this break doesnt make sense and he knows it makes no sense when he longs to be loved and to have a happy stable life. Hes lifestyle hasnt changed, he still talk about ideas and plans for the two of us. I told him this break makes no sense and isnt healthy hes response was  ” i agree this break doesnt make sense” and thats when i told him to make a decision.

He said he doesn’t like that he’s dependant on me and that he doesn’t feel like he’s own man, he also said he doesn’t feel like he’s balsy self that takes what he wants and dominates relentlessly.

He said he needs to be alone and be ruthless.

He thinks this is going to help him fix his issues and feelings of being incompetent and dependant.

The lasy few days have been a up and down. Ive tried different ways to help him. And even when i gave him space he continued to try get closer to me and questioned me when i distanced myself. After yesterdays conversation i came home and barely spoke to him, it stressed him out so much that i was completely cold and distant from him. And then when we got into bed he asked if we could still cuddle and i just ignored him for a bit then said ” this is what you wanted right” and i was referring to being single cause that means being alone and not having me around. he then just turned and watched a movie by himself. He then started texting me even though i was right next to him. And the text was him saying we are a good team and we need to keep growing as individuals and that he doesn’t want to keep pulling me close and then push me away every time he doesn’t know what he wants and our conversation went on and he was saying he has lust issues, and he doesnt feel sexy or desirable anymore. And he had great relief speaking opening(via text) with me about the issues hes having. We then opened up about how exciting we use to be and how we need to break out of this pattern etc. He felt relieved and went to sleep with a bit more clarity and peace now that we both trying to make a change. this morning he came over and cuddled me. This morning i sent him a link about how to regain your masculine energy and something clicked with what he read and he has found what he had lost and thats hes natural masculine drive, he then said to me that he cant be weak and that he needs to regain his masculinity again so that he can be good for himself and me. This obviously was a major change in his approach. He was lost and he would always speak low of men who have lust issues and he called them weak, so his new found motivation to get his masculine back will rectify alot of his inner issues and he is usually calm and direct but lately he has been nervous and stress for unimportant things which is one of the signs i knew he lacks his masculine essence.

theres alot more conversation that went on between us, i also told him that he needs to consider ending things and realise that im going to move on. i dont feel i am suited to fix his problems i agree, my aim always was too get to the bottom of the issue and help him discover why he has lost his way, he even mentioned feeling bored of his training. and because i know him well, i know that there is something very wrong with him if his doubting his career. He has become weak and sensitive to lifes shortfalls and that isnt the guy i met. I go through my day without bothering or thinking about him too much, i dont reach out to him unless i need to. Today after he atleast recognized his loss of masculinity he went to the gym and shared how motivated he feels and how he never realized how he has lost his masculinity. Hes low drive, low motivation and increase in stress is all symptoms of a man who neglects his masculine energy. And this may not be the only thing he needs to work on but his willingness to work through this with me is enough for me to be patient. I am focusing on myself while he gets his life and priorities together. He originally thought it had something to do with our relationship that made him this way but now that he looks deeper he has realized that his mess is caused by his own neglect. His lust was due to low self asteem but he never acted on it. He has too much respect for me to actually cheat. theres so much to our dynamic that its not as simple to just break up. Nobody is perfect and clearly both our childhood trauma has significantly damaged to both of us. We trust each other more than we trust anyone else. We both strong individuals who cant seem to just walk away from what we have. He doesnt cling onto women when his unhappy. Hes career currently isnt benefiting him much and he isnt motivated by his training anymore. I cant fix his depression and i am going to suggest he gets help from his psychiatrist. He is looking for answers and he keeps a brave face infront of his friends and our familys.

I have been a true alpha in this situation because i havent abandoned our team, regardless of complicated or painful things got i had the strength to have hope and courage to get through everything. He clearly had low self esteem issues and unhappy with his life apart from me. He complained about not having a life other than our home life, he said his training feels the same everyday and he said he doesnt feel irresistible and sexy anymore. All these issues happened because he let himself go and lost sense of his masculinity. He use to be so spontaneous and adventures. he became lazy and i had to do all the work, which turned me into a bitter person that started to become clingy to make up for that gap i sensed in our efforts. But i know better now and i can only be the best version of myself and he has to work on himself too.