Thank you, You are quite right. I tend to lighten my emotional burden off him because im afraid it will scare him off. But i have told him that he needs to eventually come to a decision so that i can figure out how to move on with my life. He obviously feels that being in a relationship limits his opportunities in life because love causes him to be consumed in our world instead of working on his dreams and achieving a better life. He had a vision for what our future would look like and it seems that we got side tracked by love and day to day living instead of striving for greater success. He believes we still do things like we in a relationship but we arent officially back together which frightens me at times because im not sure whos he texting or connecting with when im not around. I cant tell if he craves the single life and validation from other women or if he loves me and doesnt want to lose me. Like i said he is protective of me and said that he would humiliate his brother if he tries to hit on me again.  He doesnt seem to enjoy the idea of other guys getting my attention yet hes indecisive about our relationship.

That has been my concern as well, i truly want him to get everything his heart desires and even if that means giving him space at times but i also need to be loved and cherished and i feel i am giving so much of myself during this break. its a heavy burden to carry on my heart day to day while he pretends nothings wrong. Im afraid to bring up a conversation about our relationship because it might make him anxious and push me away. That weekend while he was away but still texted me he said “we still do everything like we in a relationship” and thats when i told him he needs to make a decision and he just agreed that it is tough and thanked me for being patient while he figures his crap out. He then video called me and continued to text me that weekend. when he got back he brought me little gifts that he knows i would admire. And he looked happy to see me although i acted very neutral and unfazed. He wants the drastic change but everything in his life is dependent on his home and the teamwork between the 2 of us. He is now obviously associated with other women and although its business relationships. I know there will be attraction. Which also emotionally abuses me and leaves me insecure. I noticed that he cleared his texts with his massage therapist, and although the recent back and forth conversation seems to be pretty neutral and professional i couldn’t understand why he would remove the texts because he never clears his texts. I never go through his phone, this is just what i saw when he was texting her regarding his knee injury and scheduling a physio appointment. The only reason i have suspicion around her is because while i was at the gym, he went for a massage in the other room and the whole time i could hear thier conversation and them laughing and giggling, the tone of their voices also made me feel very uneasy but i never told him that because we are on a break. As for the Brand Building lady that he has now partnered with, she always stared at him and wanted to make conversation, we came home one day and he felt he wanted to share his business with her to me but i really felt so uneasy i didnt want to hear about these other women but i didnt want to show signs of jealousy so i let him tell me and then afterwards he started making fun of her eyes and i told him im not interested in hearing about her eyes but he continued to laugh and talk about it, i brushed it off like talking about her eyes arent beneficial to me. I need to at some point stand up for myself and tell him that i cant keep taking care of him like a girlfriend if he wants to continues this break.

Yes it did break my heart and it hurt to see a void in our once very loving and devoted relationship. But there has been improvements, The eye contact is improving, he said that i could hold his hand at an event we went to, he put his arm around me and couldnt stops smelling my fresh clean hair he even plays with my hair or brushes my hair out my face and curls it behind my ear. So there has been a change, he isnt as cold and hes more considerate and asks for my opinion on things. Hes not as secretive anymore. His friends told him im a mini version of him and he took great pride in hearing that, his friends encouraging and positive behavior towards me tells me that he hasnt been speaking too negatively about our relationship or given them the idea that he wants to end things with me. So things are looking positively good, the only thing that still puts me on edge is that hes eyes wonder and he looks at other girls, we are on a break so i cant hold it against him but its seriously annoying, but the moment i complement another guy or a guy shows interest in me he becomes tense but tries hes best to act like its not bothering him. I also heard him dropping a hint over the weekend. He mentioned that he loves that hes sister and her boyfriend are different because they both have their own thing going on and they dont rely on each other for happiness and arent in each others faces all the time. And that just confirmed that my clingy behavior in the past made him feel trapped and overwhelmed, we did every single thing together and all i did was work and come home and spend time with him, i stopped hanging out with my friends and doing things that i enjoyed and spent most of my time focusing on him. Now that i have become more independent and less reliant on him for happiness he has been more drawn to me. He still inst fully in just yet and i think its because he wants to see more progress from me and see how consistent i am, he doesn’t want me to fall back into my clingy ways of giving all my time and energy to him and having less time for myself. Creating a completely separate life from him that i enjoy is going to be healthy and good for me so that regardless of what he decides i will still have my own happiness to fall on, not only that but me having a good life beyond him will draw his love for me closer and leaves a much healthier attraction and admiration for each other.

i do believe his mom issue isnt something that is going to go away, and yes i do think part of our break has something to do with his childhood.

His eyes didnt wonder as much before the break, he would do anything to avoid making me uncomfortable or question his loyalty, he practically trained himself to be disciplined in that way. As he also taught me what IOI’s (indicators of interest) are which i didnt know before him and i unknowingly would give off IOI’s around certain men but only my boyfriend would notice it. He use to get very hurt and angry when he’d see me make these mistakes and eventually i learned how to control the indicators of attraction towards other guys and he did the same towards women. But now during the break he doesnt really care anymore and he speaks to women and makes eye contact which was a huge change for me because he would have been furious in the past if i had done what he is doing now which is opening a line of communication that could lead to attraction.

But it seems as time goes by and the more he sees guys drawn to me and looking to get my attention, the more it bothers him and he tells me whats going on in the guys head or attempts to belittle them so that i wont be interested in them, so the more he sees this the more he wants to win me over in a sense and he also stopped being as secretive when he noticed other guys want me. When he felt safe in doing what he wants to do he was secretive and probably connecting with other females but now that men are getting closer to me he suddenly changes his behavior and doesnt want me to sense any unfaithful behavior from him cause he knows we on a break and he will have no power if i meet a guy that makes me happier than he does. I have no desire to connect with other guys although i do see their attraction for me, but i also dont want my boyfriend to think he can keep this up and he will never lose me.

Everyone still thinks we dating and we keep that image out there, him and i practically continue our day to day life with the elephant in the room and allow our natural connection to flow. We are naturally drawn to each other, so we cuddle, we play, we chat and laugh endlessly and we have sex when the mood strikes( our sex life has always been amazing, as we always look for new ways to please each other) so everything usually goes well but when he seems emotionally absent i usually give him his space and do my own thing, but when i seem distant or quiet he becomes concerned and if i refuse to open up or pretend nothing wrong he usually gives me space and waits for me to come to him.

I agree, It definitely feels like a new relationship. He went through an entire identity crises where he questioned every aspect of himself and it was tough to watch as he completely pushed me away. When i was in pain and heartache, it was killing him cause we never said a word to eachother everyday for 2 weeks, He didnt know what to tell me or how to speak to me knowing the pain he was putting me through but he needed to make a change because he was miserable within himself and everything became too much. its been 2 months of this break now and im happy to say he is coming around, he doesn’t want to force anything and he doesnt want to rush. He is simply taking it one day at a time and seeing how things progress as he also has a fight coming up so he doesnt want any conflict. He is very proud of our relationship despite how messy things got, he has faith that i can grow and he always said we will always push each other to grow and that eventually stopped happening when we got too comfortable and stopped growing. We both had dreams and we had dreams of our future together so everything about him and i was a match and we thrived together. I think he wants us to get back to that point but he doesn’t want to force it or rush it. He believes time and our love will bring us back to that point again. He firmly believes nothing worth it will be easy so our relationship going through all these difficulties and changes proves to us we are capable of overcoming any challenges life throws at us.