Yes i agree, this is entirely his inner dark battle and he is one to be very stubborn and head strong but i do think i should address his fear of commitment and show him by love and compassion, and i also want him to see that his father creating a whole family and not being present in his life aswel as his moms restless, aggressive and abandoning nature throughout his life has significantly screwed up his vulnerable side. He even spoke to his stepdad last night and mentioned how it hurts him that he cant have a true relationship with his mom because of his fear she will break his heart as she did over and over again in the past, he said that she doesnt take responsibility and her apologies always come with a justification which he doesnt feel is a true apology. That conversation with his stepdad opened my eyes tremendously because ive heard him say similar things when we useto get into arguments. Im nothing like his mother but when he is exposed to certain emotions that bring up pain from his childhood he is reminded and reacts on that deep pain and not logically based on our relationship. I want to create a safe environment where he can open up about his mom and his dad and what hes going through. He wont open up by himself because he still has his guard up as if im going to break his heart and make him feel like a disappointment as his mother did. So tonight i will mention what ive learned and realized and have him speak to me but ill wait till he is comfortable and ready.

He definitely has alot of negative emotional towards his mother, but due to him being a MMA fighter he controls his emotions well. But i do think theres alot of unresolved pain to the way she treats him, one moment shes praising him and being a proud mother and the next shes passively insulting him and disregarding him. Also she has kicked him out her house many times for no real reason. He probably expects me to abandon and disregard him the way his mother did when she was disappointed in him. So one hand hes pushing me away and the other hand he deeply desires being close to me and wants to be loved. He puts this stern front up and we still dont hold hands but hes very protective of me and cant help but want to keep an eye on me. He wants to break free and not feel all the emotions he feels but he also doesnt want to hurt me and lose me. Which is the inner conflict his facing.

Yes i agree, but he clearly isnt able to see that with all the doubt and emotional confusion he has. He cares about me and protects me yet he wants change in his life and he feels he cant be comfortable at this point in his life( its doesnt logically make sense because everything currently is setup perfectly for his training, his foundation is solid with me because i have his back no matter what). Interesting thing is that his mom has been restless throughout his childhood, they always moving and shes always up and down, warm and cold so his life has never been consistent and he had no real stable foundation, She kicked him out the house for no reason at the age of 17 already. So he seems to have subconscious ticks that keeps coming up, as if he needs chaos and change but doesn’t understand why he has these urges but i feel its due to his mothers inconsistency and him always waiting for that dreaded sudden move or change or chaos which is the pattern his mother has emotionally conditioned into his subconscious. I cant tell him that because by pointing out something sensitive makes him defensive and he’ll feel that im trying to fix him as his said before. Im not sure the perfect way or time to bring up the topic of his sudden urge for change in our life especially since his been pleasant towards me and doesnt seem to want to get into emotional conversations.

This may be the case but his “mood swings” have nothing to do with me. i just feel hes dealing with a lot of stress and he goes through high and low moments. And he tries to keep to himself and guarded when hes going through a low but otherwise he enjoys laughing, cuddling, playing, talking and doing things with me. I tend to blame myself for his unhappiness and discontent within himself but im slowly learning that he doesnt feel good about himself and its difficult for him to feel like his good enough so him pushing me away and being destructive in the relationship is because he cant uphold the expectations, he doesnt feel he is his best self withing the relationship or in his career and he doesnt want to disappoint me nor can he allow himself to fail or lose motivation for his career. He very much is an alpha male and you can imagine how feeling inadequate is a all time low for him. Ive started being more appreciative towards the little things he does and goes out his way for, allowing him to feel appreciated and needed.  i tried bringing up the child trauma thing and how it affects us in our adult life by talking about my own trauma as a child and i explained how that has affected me in my adult life and my perspective, I did this so he can just think about what i said and how he is affected by his childhood, I then didnt ramble on or poke him with questions… instead i allowed it to sink in and we watched a bit of tv together till i fell asleep. After that conversation he was very quiet and too himself which i was okay with cause i wanted him to think about everything i had said.

Well when someone starts distancing themselves from me or going as far as taking a break from a relationship with me, im going to immediately assume its me and i take responsibility for his pain and anxiety. But as times goes by i learn more and more about men and how their minds work and also observe his actions regarding me and us. He is emotionally damaged from his childhood but he is a evolved person and he even liked my idea of digging deep to all those painful or shameful memories and through a breathing technique allowing those emotions and images from the past come back exhale it and doing this exercise will help him overcome the deep routed pain that sits deeper than our conscious minds. Its so horrible to see him walk around with such heavy spirit because i love him dearly, he doesn’t like being pitied or comforted when hes feeling a certain way. although i cant express my undying love for him, i show him through my actions and patience how much he means to me and so far that seems to be working and rushing his quarter life crises will only make things worse so i trust him in figuring himself out and that he will come back to being my best friend and Love.

My dreams still stands, him and i both rely on our foundation that we created to pursue our life dreams. we both didnt come from healthy reliable parents so us falling inlove and making one of our dreams come true(living together) has been the best for us until he had this break down. He and I are perfect because we balance each other out. He still mentions today how awesome it is to live where we live and how cool it is for us to be out on our own. He just needs some growing to do and that what im letting him do. He started getting very serious about our relationship and at the same time he was pursuing his career, but the loss and financial stress gets to him deeply and us starting to argue about things we never usually argue about became too much and he just needed space.