William,

I’m sorry for the pain and confusion you’re experiencing, and hope you find peace and stability. Sometimes when we find ourselves in relationships where a lot of criticism arises, it can quickly become one sided. For instance, if people were in the habit of dumping their stress at you, in the form of “abusing you” in various ways, perhaps they come to expect you to just take it. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

It seems that you’re in a wonderful position, even though it seems painful right now. You have realized the need for boundaries, such as not letting yourself be abused. You’ve realized that when you angrily create boundaries, it is painful for you. These are two great pieces of information. The goal or aim becomes: how to I relate to them, create boundaries, enforce boundaries, and do so with strength, but kindness. This is the magic middle path where other people’s crap remains about them, and we do not get pulled in. Said differently, to protect your tender heart, it is important to work skillfully with your side of things, to minimize your own suffering from the experiences.

If you can simply move on, and enjoy the experiences you’re having, that would be great. When you are in the situations, look for the joy and beauty that is present. The sights, the sounds, the companionship… try to be as present as possible, and look for the good. If the people you have karma with start poking at you, perhaps you could consider adopting peaceful resistance, such as Ghandi. “I don’t like when you say things like that to me.” Peaceful, honest, strong. “Let’s talk about something else.” “Ah, what an interesting thing to say. I’m going to go talk to someone else.” Their junk is not about you, and as you will yourself to disengage, detach, move on without anger, you can regain the joyousness of heart you’re missing.

Also, it may be helpful if you have the time or curiosity to begin a metta meditation practice. Metta is a warm feeling of friendship that arises in our body. Much like hunger arises when we need food, metta arises when we wish beings well. Search on YouTube for “guided metta meditation” if you’re interested. It is highly stabilizing and nourishing. Namaste.

With warmth,
Matt