Hi Anita & Gecko4,
Thank you so much for your post and good advice. Fortunately he lives over an hour away from me so there is no danger of him coming around. & I honestly don’t think he will even care that we’re over. I think the last few months he’s been drawing away from me anyway and as he clearly thinks I’m worth nothing he will probably just get on with his own thing.
For me it is a bit harder because I’ve lost my confidence and don’t feel like I’m strong. I spent so much time listening & accepting all the negative stuff he said about me. Of course he was nice at times but when I look back he just didn’t act as though I meant anything to him. A small example – my car was stretched one night whilst parked outside his house. When I told him he said ‘oh well it’s not a biggie’ Then we found out his lodgers car also got stratched. She told me he offered to pay for the damage. So I asked him why he offered to pay for her car to be fixed but wasn’t even concerned about him. He just said ‘you’ve got a shit car so it doesn’t matter’ Anyway it’s just a small thing but it was one of many and upsetting.
Once when we spent a day in London coming back to the train station I accidentally led us to the wrong platform because it had been refurbished and I was confused. He went crazy and slammed his can of drink on the ground shouting and screaming at me that I was stupid for leading him the wrong way and ruining his birthday. People were staring in disbelief. Later when I said there was no need to get so angry as it was an honest mistake he still went on about how I had to be stupid to not know which platform it was?
The same happened when we went away for a few days. & when I had a car accident he was the only person who didn’t ask if was ok. He just said ‘oh well shit happens’ I am sick of it and it’s horrible watching him be lovely and charming to everyone but me. All I wanted was for him to show some concern. I think over time I just started thinking that maybe there is something wrong with me. But my friends and family and even people I meet out and about seem to respect me and visa versa so this is why I need him out of my life now. I want to just feel at ease and not constantly stressed or walking on eggshells. Sorry for rambling but on. I’m sure some of what I’ve written might not make sense but just wanted to give you an idea some of the stuff that got me down. Thanks again to you both for listening and I’ll keep you posted.
Xxxx

Hi Anita & gecko4, it’s done and I’ve got to be honest I cried so much last night that I thought I was going to break. I had a bad nights sleep woke up today and cried all way to work & at work.
Not sure why it hurts so much but it does. & knowing that he won’t care or miss me is horrible. He gave up months even years ago caring about me. He’s told me on a couple of occasions that he wasn’t sure if he loved me one minute & then a few days later changed his mind. I never stopped loving him throughout & regardless. When he was nice to me it lit up my world. But I’ve been a sap. It was all for nothing. Anyway, I’m going with my feelings this time & trying not to look back. I feel lost alone & what with xmas on its way it sucks. But what’s the point of being with someone who doesn’t love you back and who is off and on whenever the mood takes them, not to mention the anger outbursts the nasty comments being put down told you’re stupid etc. He was lovely to me sometimes and I miss those times because I felt like inside he did have a heart. But there was more disrespect and hatred towards me than anything else. & the more he was like this the more I clung on hoping he’d actually turn it around and just be loving. I can’t be that needy person anymore. I’m ashamed of myself really xx