I’m preparing to leave my husband. We’ve been married 3 and a half years, together 5 and a half but for most of that, one or the other of us has been away (military). Since my husband has been at home more often – pretty much every weekend since March 2016, I’ve come to realise he’s not the person I thought he was and I really don’t like that person I’ve now met.

He’s always angry – everything has an undercurrent of aggression/frustration – the ‘fat bitch’ today who was just getting out of her car on a narrow road meaning we had to wait 2 seconds to overtake, the TV guide when it goes down, his phone when it doesn’t do what he wants… he has tantrums in public and private – picking up our shopping trolley and banging it into the floor for example because he can’t find a product. He’ll say I’m not angry, you’re making me angry or I’ll lose my temper if x happens and then it’s not my fault what happens.

He is intolerant of others – other races, women, other politics, generally anyone who thinks or behaves differently to what he thinks is right. No matter how small. And he will get angry about it even if it has no impact on him.

And he takes no accountability for himself. When he makes a decision, he never thinks to consider the people around him or consult those it effects. And if you ever comment about the consequences of those decisions, no matter how cautiously, he loses that temper – shouting, swearing. For example, I have a step daughter – he only told her about me last year. But sometimes we bump into them locally – he walks off to them leaving me stood like a lemon. I try to hide how upset things like that makes me but sometimes it gets to me and I need some time alone to cry for 5 minutes. In the past, back at home, he has ripped the duvet off my face, yelled, sworn at me, asked what the f do I have to feel sad about. He regularly comes home hours after he says he will or this Christmas not at all with no text or call and doesn’t understand why it’s a problem. And he expects life to be organised for him – he never books anything, he won’t check the film times, I booked his stag do (“I don’t know what to do”), he wants to go on a day out but he has no ideas – “have you looked? What are we going to do?” That sounds so trivial but I’m always the adult – I can’t have a bad day or be the one that gets to relax and let someone else take over for a while.

For 3 years he has said we will start a family at this point, that point – we get there and he’s changed his mind. I’m 37 soon, I don’t have years left and he said he wanted more kids. Likewise with moving house – I have a two hour commute, he lives away in the week and travels for 20 minutes. He really wants to move but there’s always a reason to wait. I’m moved 100 miles to be with him, changed my job, rarely see my friends from home but he won’t move 20. It’s always anything you want – as long as it’s what he wants.

But still part of me is so nervous about leaving. I’m worried I’ll regret it. Even reading back what I’ve written. It’s such a big step to end a marriage. Even if no one replies, I just needed to write it down, to see it in black and white on the internet to remind myself why I’m not sticking around. Sorry it’s such a long post. I’m really torn right now. Am I going mad?