This may sound harsh, but should you be spending so much time thinking about you when you are seeking to restore your relationship? Shouldn’t you be thinking about your partner’s feelings; their insecurities and anxieties given your transgression?
Speaking from experience here as someone who made lots of mistakes in his attempts to move forward after infidelity (i’m the offender), I suggest that you and your partner first determine *IF* both of you are first ABLE and WILLING to move forward. Some relationships simply cannot be salvaged. What I’ve learned over time is that an affair unleashed on a marriage is like a giant iceberg that has broken off off of Antarctica and it is on a collision course with your boat. You only see what’s above the water line and the dimensions beneath are incalculable. Some marriages simply cannot navigate around it and end up smashing apart against it’s cold icy mass.  I suggest that both of you spend some time in counseling and take stock. When you have an affair, its almost like you create a new marriage. Its not the same and you cannot expect it to function like it did in the past. Be 100% that BOTH of you are fully committed to each other AND the marriage and are both willing.. AND ABLE (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually) to work through all the challenges, seen and unseen. Wounded people staying in a damaged marriage will only continue to wound each other and damage the marriage more when the process of healing and reconciliation isn’t approached properly.

Dear SK:

You asked: “how do I lessen my anxiety and let go out of the outcome?”-

It may help to figure out the worst outcome/s you are afraid of, write it down, take deep breaths as you do, and form the intent to accept that possibility.

Then do it again, another time, another place. Form the intent, deep breaths. You can say to yourself: I don’t like this outcome, but I accept that it may be the outcome.

anita

You are welcome, SK.

anita