Motivation and me (primarily)

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This topic has 19 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 11 months ago by Matt.

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June 20, 2015 at 2:25 am #78502

Kaz
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Hi Matt,

Yeah, the guy in the mirror is of course actually, in reality, me. Absolutely. But he’s not the me I should be and I struggle with that.

I can get super specific on this point.

I grew up in a backwater with a bad local dentist and a mother that wasn’t paying attention, and so I have three teeth missing from my mouth. Teeth that were entirely healthy when they were pulled, that were removed because “my mouth didn’t have room for them” (at the age of 10 or so, when I hadn’t even stopped growing yet!), and that more than likely, I’ll never get back (more than likely, because growing new teeth is an active area of research in dentistry at the moment!).

The me that I should be, is the one that had been looked after properly. One where my mother actually engaged her brain once in a while (she was actually a very knowledgeable woman, a biology teacher), and when the dentist made that suggestion, she could have noticed that it really wasn’t in my best interest and that I would have to live the rest of my life without those teeth.

The person I should be, is the one that was cared for properly. The person I’m left with, is the one who is the sum of all of his and his parent’s mistakes and that’s what I see when I look in the mirror. It doesn’t pain me particularly. It is what it is. It makes me slightly angry from time to time though. 🙁

Kaz

June 20, 2015 at 2:45 am #78503

Kaz
Participant

Oh, and I don’t know if this is against the rules or not, but if a picture paints a thousand words, then feel free to look at some random photos I have online, my twitter feed, anything you need to reassure yourself that I’m being straight and direct:

Tweets by KazNiazi

I don’t hide who I am, and perhaps this will give you a better sense of who you’re talking to.

I don’t partake in these kinds of discussions at all, so feel free to google away until you’re content that I’m not some kind of attention seeking “me” junky.

Kaz

June 20, 2015 at 6:57 am #78514

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Kaz:
I feel regret for having sent that post to you because it obviously was not effective and displeased you. I don’t like displeasing others. I make take exception to it if I think my input can bring upon something positive but I don’t think this is the case. Best wishes to you and again, I apologize.
anita

June 20, 2015 at 1:36 pm #78521

Matt
Participant

Kaz,

You do not strike me as self absorbed, just a boy with a heavy book, looking for answers.

I’m empathetic to your view that once specific conditions are met, then you would be able to love yourself. That feeling is called shame, as though qualities that you have prevent acceptance and love. Such as three missing teeth are a reason for your present self to be unlovable, and so some day, maybe love will be available if very specific things align.

This is hogwash, false, an excuse to hide behind the book. An excuse to stay focused on the pages, and not on the boy. And it’s the boy that needs our tender attention, dear friend. The boy that thinks love is only available if he is perfect. That he has to perform correctly in order to be accepted. That boy needs fantastic and warm hugs, to know that he is seen and beautiful, mess and all. Stinky bits, flabby bits, sparkling bits, honed bits, all exactly true, all exactly what they are.

That’s when the boy can let go of his habit of negative fixation. Focusing far too much attention on the missing pieces of his dream that he forgets to love the whole. And so, he grieves as he writes stories to try to earn something, become something, that he has been all along. Beautiful.

Consider searching “brene brown TED talk”. Her song might bridge the gap between the boy and his book.

With warmth,
Matt
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