Hi Gina,
I’m so sorry about you Mom. I can’t even begin to imagine. It’s a lot of responsibility to take care of your mom like she is and I guess there are some questions you need to ask yourself. What do you think you’re mom would want? If she could tell you, what do you think she would say? Pray, follow your intuition, and do the best you can. Don’t be hard on yourself, you’re mom loves you no matter what.

Oh honey I know what you are going through. My dad died 10 years ago this August, from complications from a stroke that left him in the same state you mother is. and I am still dealing with feelings of guilt now.
I was away from home, in a marriage that was broken beyond repair when I got a card from my dad. I noticed his handwriting was poor and called my mom. They had been divorced for years but were still friends. I asked her to check on him. She called me back later that day and told me that he had suffered a massive stroke. I packed up what I could and got a bus ticket home.

When I saw him it was terrible. He was aware of me being there. His body had failed him, but his spirit was there. Trapped. I am crying now as I type….
I sat beside him. Took his hand and told him I was ok.. even though I was not. I lied to him to give him the peace I felt he needed to let go. Three days later, with my visiting daily, and telling him stories about my good times in NC, he let go. And I miss him to this day.

I know it hurts. Gods I know. But I also know that he would not have wanted to stay trapped in that body. He had suffered from Multiple Sclerosis for years prior. And I knew what being disabled had done to him. He had been a Navy SEAL. Traveled the world. And he was stuck in a body that would no longer listen to him. So being there in a hospital bed was worse than death for him. Yet I still feel that, if I hadnt told him that I was “ok” He would tried and fought his way back.

Now I am facing MS and my body is not listening. I am trying to prepare my husband for what could be coming. And in that process I am hoping that he will be prepared to help our daughter. But I miss being able to talk to my dad on the phone. Get advice from him. Have him tell me that he loves me. Although.. every time I hear a particular song. Or hear a crow. Or just go outside. I know he is with me. He isnt in any pain. And, despite my feelings of guilt. I did the right thing in telling him I was safe. Ok. And home.

Bless you.

Martha