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Missing someone I need to get over

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  • #150420
    Daniela
    Participant

    I dated a guy I really like for months, it was a serious relationship, we broke up since I moved out of town because of my job, couple of months later I return to town and tried to get back with him, but he didn’t want. I don’t like guys or get in love pretty often, but once I do is deeply, He is provably the second guy I really get in love with. After couple of months he contacted me again, we started texting and end up hooking up, he was aware that I was in love with him and I was aware that he only wanted sex. It last for couple of months, I told him several times that I wanted more that a “friend with benefits” relationship, but I kept sleeping with him, the last time we had sex, I told him we had to stop. That night we were hanging in the same place, at some point I hear one of his friends asking about a girl, but I could not see to whom he asked, I assumed was to the guy I like. I kept thinking about it, I was going crazy so I asked him, he denied it and we kept arguing for days, it got pretty dramatic until he stop replying. A week later I apologize because I felt nosey and sadly I am not his girlfriend to be jealous, so I guess I have no right to question him or expect loyalty. After that day we did not talk anymore. Yesterday I saw him in a store and say hello, we had a short talk, he was cold (usually he is nothing like that). I felt awful and extremely sad. I can stop feeling that is my fault, that I lost him since I moved out of town; worst that that I know that I can’t continue in that sort of relationship that hurts me and make me feel use, but been away from him hurts even more. I feel guilty of been jealous and make him angry, I miss him and hate myself sometimes for stoping our hook ups, even if it was not the relationship I want. How can I overcome and stop feeling guilty?  how can I get over him? I can’t stop thinking about him.

    #150654
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Daniela:

    You wrote: “Yesterday…we had a short talk, he was cold (usually he is nothing like that). I felt awful and extremely sad. I can stop feeling that is my fault… I feel guilty of been jealous and make him angry”-

    He acted cold, angry and you reacted feeling guilty, as if you did something wrong. Is it the usual case for you: if someone is angry at you, you automatically react by feeling guilty, feeling that you did something wrong to bring abut the person’s anger?

    If that is the case, then your behavior will be about placating angry people no matter what they are angry about and not about doing what is right for you.

    anita

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