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Missing past love

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  • February 12, 2014 at 10:53 am #50864
    mallory
    Participant

    Something I’ve struggled with is missing a past love of mine. We broke up because of circumstances, and in the end it was for the best, but we cannot speak because it’s too painful for either of us, and it has been over a year or so now. Breakups are like a death–but even harder, because that person is still living. I so miss knowing he is out there and I don’t get to speak to him. It’s such a unique pain to not be able to talk to someone you so completely love. Whenever I think of him, I try to send him love and deal with it that way, but not being able to just see his face, or hear about his day..it’s a tragedy in my life. a simple, everyday tragedy. i guess i am ruminating on how we go through every day with such impossible pains in our hearts?

    February 12, 2014 at 12:48 pm #50867
    Mark
    Participant

    I am sorry about your pain Mallory. My understanding of what Buddhism says about us suffering is from attachment. It sounds like you still have attachment with what was from your past love. Yes, value and reflect on what you got from your relationship but also realize that is the past, not the present.

    How I found a way to deal with pain is to sit with it during my meditations. I don’t try to avoid it or to push it out but to really BE with that longing, that pain, that former love. This is part of you. This is not a panacea to happiness. This is the journey of being fully human and present.

    Take care,
    Mark

    February 12, 2014 at 5:44 pm #50874
    friend
    Participant

    Hi,I came across this site by chance and have had helpful advise by reading all the posts. thankyou for also helping me..
    I have been going through dealing with emotions of past love too, I try to remember not what I lost, but what I gained by giving my love to this person and the beauty of the connection we had.
    Sometimes life is not meant to be the way we want it. There is a bigger plan in place.. and maybe oneday we will understand..
    Only this morning I thought about how each new day I live brings me one day closer to the day I die. So dont “sweat the small stuff” enjoy what is… and see the beauty of life around you..
    Feel the joy in your heart that you have loved….
    I hope I can pass on these emotions to you.
    Jacki

    February 13, 2014 at 1:47 am #50893
    Emily
    Participant

    Mallory, I am writing here not so much to answer as to empathize, because your words struck me in such a deep and true place. I don’t know how we are supposed to do it, when despite our brains’ reasons for and understanding of not getting to have the other person, our hearts break so emphatically at the notion of it that we cannot believe it is possibly right. I try to believe that this was just one person, that I will recover, and that there will be another, and another, but… time passes and no one else has come. And my heart stays broken. Still I think it would be unbearable if I didn’t insist on believing that time will make it better. And sharing it – here, with whomever we trust. That helps, too.

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