Although it hasn’t been five years since I’ve seen my youngest daughter (we’ll call her “R”), who is 27 , I can certainly relate to what you’re saying. It’s been about six (6) months and, while I don’t know the future, no thaw SEEMS to be forthcoming. (I also have a 30-yo daughter with whom I am in occasional; contact, though she lives in another state)

I wasn’t aware that we had any “relationship problems,” so it came as a surprise to me when she quit returning phone calls, texts, etc. I am wondering what I did wrong. My oldest daughter doesn’t seem to think I have done anything wrong. One possible contributing issue is that my ex-wife (my daughter’s mother) moved in with my daughter. My ex hates me profoundly notwithstanding my attempts to have an amicable relationship. Perhaps my ex has “poisoned the well.” Nevertheless. R is 27 and is responsible for her own actions.

I am worried that she is suffering from addiction (this has happened before). I am worried about a lot of things.

I drop her a card or a little gift every month or so in the mail. I get no response, of course, but I never expect one.

It IS sad. And frustrating.

I don’t feel lost as my life is busy with some pretty good things, so I have a lot to occupy my mind, but at some level R is always there in my thoughts and emptions. I struggle (being a guy) with occasional anger rather than a feeling of loss. Maybe it’s a gender thing.

I truly hope the “thaw” to which you refer continues. These situations sound like something over which you and I are powerless, which is very frustrating until acceptance is reached. Will I ever reach acceptance of her deliberate absence? I don’t know.

Best Wishes, Stan

flaca, please do all that is within your grasp to resolve your issues with your daughter. Both of you will someday regret that there wasn’t more attempt to dissolve the problems. I speak from experience here. My youngest daughter passed away 2 years ago. Even though we had a very close relationship, several days before that fateful morning, we had a little “tiff” and we didn’t call each other before she died. You will absolutely never know the guilt I feel now, for not attempting to phone her. Besides the grief I feel with her going to heaven, I will always feel guilty for my stubbornness. Please, do all you can to patch things up. Tomorrow is promised to no one. I had to learn the hard way. In Christian love, Susan

I am the daughter who is estranged from her father (and his wife – not my mother) for the second time. The first time my sister tried to guilt me into fixing our relationship with the “you dont know how long he is going to be around’!. Well it goes both ways, as you say. None of us knows what is around the corner and just because you are older does not mean that you will go before me. I went to him last time to heal our relationship. I just sent a message to him (dont have her no) saying wish his wife a happy birthday – no reply! He (or they – they feed off each other with their negativity) will never come to me to apologise or heal our relationship in ANY way. I am done with their negativity and insensitivity. I applaud the parent on here that do their best to heal the relationship. I will write a letter one day – but maybe not at the moment as I have alot on.