Dear Joe:

Wow! I agree with your thinking, strongly believing it is true to reality, absolutely and well stated. Your “I accepted the fact..” paragraph is so correct, so clearly realistic. The hope you feel is, I believe, about being clear with what is true and real. There is hope when our brain is congruent with reality and sick when our brain is deluded.

“There is nothing wrong with me”- are the exact words I stated out loud a couple of years ago- it was a revelation to me. I said those words on one of my long walks. I remember that walk very well- it was the first time it occurred to me that indeed, there is nothing wrong with me. Only yesterday as I walked the same stretch of road, I remembered thinking and saying it for the first time. Since that first time it has been a process of understanding more and more the meaning of There-is-nothing-wrong-with-me.

First my mother blamed me for just being. Then over time, as I showed the consequences of her abuse of me, she blamed me for the consequences of her abuse of me. It is like she stabbed me and I bled and then she proceeded to blame me for bleeding. The many examples you gave in your post point to this very dynamic.

I want to attempt to answer your question: “But I do have one valid question – why was I always treated this way?” based on this and previous threads by you. Your sister passed on the abuse by your parents, clearing herself from extra distress that way. She and your other siblings identified with the abusive parents and did not rebel.They dealt with it by… passing it on and will probably pass it on to their children. You, on the other hand, you are the rebel of the family. You are the one who confronted your abusers and called them on their behavior. They proceeded to silence the opposition by attacking you further, using any and every “evidence” to prove you wrong (including your “bleeding” following their abuse) and by ganging up against you, as to protect the abuser and silent the (rebelling) abused.

What do you think?

anita

{{I guess it’s taken me until today to finally realise this. There is nothing wrong with me at all.}}

Joe,

You have come far in your self-awareness and now have made a huge stride towards no longer having to ‘try to be you and do you’ because you are living you.

Your story also touched me. It and the stories of those who commented, and the stories of all the young people who came through the organization where I was house parent to at-risk youth, and other stories I hear almost every day, speak to me of a deep disturbance in the human race. This is not news, and I am sure I don’t know the half of it. The disturbance seems to be growing more pronounced, as I recall bizarre incidents with neighbors in the past week and browse news items. But there is light at the end of the tunnel, and no, it’s not the train. We are entering a time of greater turbulence followed by a global shift in consciousness. Those who’ve done the hard work of growing more self-awakened like you will have the choice for a more supportive environment. And take heart, there are many like you. You will encounter them on your travels as I have. You are uniquely Joe, and those like you are uniquely themselves, and you will find consonance with them.

{{But I do have one valid question – why was I always treated this way?}}

All felt questions are valid, Joe. Even the ones with no answers. Anita commented on the why and I have my own thoughts. But where I like to put emphasis is on your taking your life back and grabbing it by the horns. Keeping trusting yourself, keep relying on yourself, allow yourself to see others as they are and accept them as you wrote, and detach from their behaviors. Learn to not take what others say personally (as I am doing) and to turn to your core within as it is your constant inner sun. It is possible to feel the inner sun and radiate it in the midst of trying circumstances.

{{I am done playing the victim.}}

Perfect. Now take the step from saying maybe there was nothing wrong with you, and thinking you finally realized to knowing that you know. A Litany I wrote has been a tremendously powerful tool for me as i re-sculpt myself into the person I choose to be. You could write your own litany when you understand how it can be used – not recited like an affirmation but invoked from a place of clarity and will.

If you would like some pointers in addition to what you have realized and others have commented, I am here.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by Gary R. Smith.

Joe,
There was never anything wrong with you! Other people’s expectations are THEIR problem, not yours. You look about the same age as my children and I know I have been guilty of saying similar things to them, not because I didn’t think they were awesome just as they were but because I believed it was my job to help them fit in with what society expected. Sometimes as parents we act out of fear that our children will not make the best choices or take the ‘wrong’ path, but as part of my own journey I have come to realize that even as parents we don’t get to make those choices for others. Just keep being you and live YOUR best life. For your own sake try to have compassion and forgiveness for your family but never let anyone make you feel less than the amazing, courageous young man you so obviously are.