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Marriage Hurt

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  • April 8, 2016 at 7:56 am #101281
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear smores:

    This is very unfortunate that this happened. Too bad he answered that question and on social media, no less. It took him a short moment to choose to answer that and type a one line answer. Now you are stuck with weeks so far of hurt and distress. What a shame. Bad choice on his part, too bad.

    How to move on from here? More talking with him. You tried to deal with it by yourself following letting it “sit with (you)” for a while and the distress is still ongoing. So back to talking with him, would be my advice.

    I understand he apologized but that did not take care of the problem. He needs to do more. It is only fair to put it back on him since he is the one who created this problem.

    Imagining myself in your place reading that comment, I too would be very hurt and distressed. My goodness, imagining it, it does hurt.

    I would want to know what he regrets, what he feels about my looks, being not thin. I would want to know why he is with me even though I am not thin… talk, talk and please do post again.

    anita

    April 8, 2016 at 11:45 am #101301
    Amy
    Participant

    Dearest Smores,

    Sending you love and healing as you move through this process with yourself and with your husband. As I agree with Anita, this will require more talking with your husband – I am learning how to communicate more in my relationship regarding things that have hurt me. So, I feel you very much and the journey you are on to heal. One thing I have learned is that when I don’t resolve my issues the hurt has turned into emotion (anger/resentment with them and myself) that becomes very deep-seated. I’m on my path to fully releasing and renewing, and again, I send you love for the same. You are not alone.

    I also suggest that it’s very important for you to spend quality time with yourself – loving, embracing, accepting you in your entirety. I used to teach movement classes to women of all shapes, sizes, backgrounds, and ages that were aimed to help women connect with their bodies in a healthy and nurturing environment and which helped women step away from the pressures of: society, media, image, and a lot of times, men (although it was not a “man-hating” thing – just the conditioned ‘male thinking’ we as women face far too often). There were no mirrors and the room had soft lighting to help us get out of our brains and into a connected mind, body, soul authenticity. I’m not sure where you live, but I do suggest you find something of this nature. It’s extremely empowering, liberating, supportive, and healing. Whatever you find – You certainly need a safe place where you can find self-expression – get these emotions out of your body whether that’s through movement, painting, singing, writing, etc.

    I hope this helps, and if there is anything else I can do from afar, please reach out.

    Much love to that beautiful, complete, perfect body of yours.
    Amy

    April 8, 2016 at 12:36 pm #101304
    Maria Borghoff
    Participant

    Hi there,
    I am so sorry you have been hurt in this way. There is no greater pain then feeling uncomfortable in your own body.

    Expressing yourself to him was a big step – and absolutely necessary in your healing. And talking to him more might help — but first, it is SO important to continue to process the experience alone. For me journaling is a helpful tool, but when you described this pain in your chest — I can relate to that. The pain is living now in your body… so its important to FEEL it there. When you feel the pain in your body… that is a sign of something not being processed.

    Use your body to express your emotions. Movement is SO HEALING & so transformative. Find a song, play it loud.. and dance – all by yourself. Or sit with the emotion until you feel it strongly in your chest & then yell/ scream/ cry.

    Then, after you have expressed it & it feels like it has subsided a bit… use your awareness to cultivate POSITIVE feelings… the things you want to feel.

    I hope this helps, and I would love to hear how it goes for you

    Maria

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