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- This topic has 9 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 3 months ago by
Yasha.
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January 27, 2014 at 10:53 am #49804
Lilypad
ParticipantNamaste Yasha. You are not alone in your situation. I am also struggling with this – and so are many others that I know. Thank you for sharing yours with us.
I have nothing but love to offer – no answers, no advice. Just love.
January 27, 2014 at 1:55 pm #49813Yasha
ParticipantThank you for your kind words, Lil. It is good to know I am not the only one. Namaste
January 27, 2014 at 10:44 pm #49864Mark
ParticipantYou might want to check out this TED talk and see if you can apply any of the insights to your marriage.
January 28, 2014 at 3:03 am #49882Yasha
ParticipantThank you Mark, that was great, she hits the nail on the head! I am reading a book, Sex at Dawn, which says very similar things. Interestingly, since I became aware that the other man was attracted to me, I have been feeling more desire for my husband. And that, of course, is because I have been feeling more confident, more alive, more attractive, more desirable.
The difficult thing is that the flirting with the other man, brings a spring in my step, a smile on my face, a lightness in my heart. To let that go, as I have tried for a long time, and to return to the safety and comfort and predictability of before, hurts! A hell of a lot! I don’t want to let it go!
Then I thought I, maybe I am too dependent on what others think of me, and I need to find this joy and lightness in myself, here, now, in the moment. And I can do that to a degree, I feel more at peace with myself and others, judge less, and love more.
But what about the fun, adventure, freedom, passion? Can I spread my wings, or leave them clipped?January 28, 2014 at 9:00 am #49890Mark
ParticipantYasha,
I wonder if you can find and experience fun, adventure, freedom, and passion without the other man?
Can you spread your wings on your own? Can you take your husband with you on occasion?
Experiment and explore.Have fun!
MarkJanuary 29, 2014 at 6:53 am #49928Yasha
ParticipantMark,
Thank you, true words and they resonate. Thank you for your kindness and wisdom.
Marijke
January 29, 2014 at 9:25 pm #49982sojourner
ParticipantHi Yasha, been here done this. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Be very careful; I wouldn’t proceed unless you are willing to lose your marriage, because you might. If you are good with that risk, go explore. Keep in mind that you cannot unring a bell. I do wonder about the other man’s honor; he wants you certainly but he also knows you are married. If the shoe was on the other foot and he was your husband and your husband was the tempting other man, how would he feel about it then? So much better not to blur the two relationships, at least in secret, because I guarantee someone, or 3 someone’s, are going to get hurt and the damage will last for years. Best wishes…
January 30, 2014 at 1:53 pm #50029ztwilliams
ParticipantThis was great, Mark, thank you for sharing!
January 31, 2014 at 6:21 am #50071Yasha
ParticipantHi Sojourner, thank you for your response, and the bit of reality you are giving me. I have thought about the honor of the other man too. This is so difficult, but I will not jump into anything, and will try to see things from another perspective. Thank you…
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