Tiny Believer,
First of all sorry I called you Siri in my last response. .sorry.
If you tried talking to him, maybe try marriage councilling, however I think he will buck at that because he didn’t go to your doctor appointment, which to me is more important than any money issue…that to me speaks volumes as to how controlling and disrespectful he is to you.
So he has given you the ultimatum, are you ok with leaving? Otherwise if you stay you will be under his thumb, is that what you want for the rest of your life? Next he will take your paycheque away and give you an allowance according to what you’ve done around the home or how your behaviour is.
Maybe take a time out away from each other..if you have a close friend or family near by, maybe you can move in with them for a bit, to give you clear breathing room, and will allow your husband to think what he has demanded on you…it will also let him know that his ultimatum may be something that will take place..he may think otherwise once you would remove yourself away from him for awhile.
So if he made more money than you, he would still be in control..so it’s not like all the money would go into a joint account where it would be shared 50/50…he just wants to control it all.