Forget ‘to be or not to be’ a much more important question for all people in a less than satisfying relationship is ‘lump it or leave it’? That’s where I am at after 34 years of marrriage.

Now I recognise that no one has the right to ask someone else to change for their behalf whatever the perceived problem area turns out to be so the healthy reaction in such situations is to either put up with the issue or walk away from it. Now there are all sorts of in between stages to go through but if you have tried all the usual things such as talking about the problem (often known as ‘having a row’), consulting relationship guidance counselors or whatever then you are inevitably left with those extremes. Note here that I am not saying that one should put up with what is wrong in a resigned sort of way with resentments and festering wounds but to accept the situation wholeheartedly with love and get on with things.

Our problem is SEX! Always has been and always will be. Basically I get it if I go after it but I never get it given to me. My advances are often met with cool indifference and the minute I stop making all the moves the ardor (if I may use that word) lessens and the whole idea seems to fall away. As far as ‘positions’ are concerned there are just three- Oral (me to her never the other way around), Missionary or Side ways Scissors- (is there a special word for that?). I am bored with it, disappointed by it, feel unattractive and am tired of putting in all the effort. Any ‘unusual’ activities are dismissed- (I once bought a chocolate body spray for a bit of fun- it got thrown into a bottom draw in disgust). I don’t know what else to do. She wont go to any form of counselling, discussing it brings on the sulks, walking away from it and reciprocating the disinterest gets us nowhere. I want a lover- is that so much to ask for? Please help- any advice would be gratefully received

Ade