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Love and sex mystery!

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  • #51626
    Anyone
    Participant

    Love with one and sex with another? Does it happen? Is it normal?

    My ex partner says she loves me and always will. According to her, I am the first love of her life, although she has dated many guys and girls before, but it wasn’t the same.

    While I understand that it takes some time to forget the person soon after the breakup. But I also know that she will and she was having someone/dating other girls while I was not committed to her. She needs someone to fulfill her sexual desires; this is what I understand from her past behaviors. Although she has never admitted it.

    She has been sending me mails saying she’s missing me, etc… If the love is so deep, why not just be clear, upfront and admit that one has dated and flirted with so and so. I’m not stuck, am trying to understand love one person and have sex with another? It makes me crazy!

    #51642
    Matt
    Participant

    Anyone,

    Just about anything and everything is normal when it comes to intimacy. It doesn’t sound healthy, necessarily, and sounds more like “confused about what she wants” than “this is just normal for her”. Consider that perhaps you give too much power to her, such as letting her define what the relationship with you looks like. The question that is perhaps far more interesting is “Are you in love with her?” How do you feel? How she feels and acts is not nearly as important, she may flip flop between you and men and women… but for you, where’s the confusion? Are you still wanting to be with her? When she says “I miss you”, why does it draw you in? Does it?

    For me, I would not be satisfied, content or feel safe in an intimacy where my partner wanted to bump loins with others. Just not my style or preference. We’re all different though, so what is it you want?

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #51700
    Anyone
    Participant

    Hi Matt,

    Thanks for your reply. For full story, please refer http://dev.tinybuddha.com/topic/a-divorce-and-a-breakup-with-a-lesbian/

    Yes I was lost and I took emotional support, may be I should have taken from family and not fallen for her.

    But now that she knows that I don’t share the same feelings as a lesbian; I prefer to part ways to do justice to both. (I was not comfortable playing the role of a guy, things that generally a guy does in a relation. Initially it was different; she would play the role of a guy, gradually she started expecting me as well to do that part, and somewhere I felt, it’s not me, it’s not that I don’t take care of her, but from a woman it’s different than a guy does). And everything would boil down to ‘mutual’. Then I realized may be it’s not me, I have more traits of a straight person rather than a lesbian.

    But she is behaving as if she doesn’t know anything. She wants to know if I’m fine, how am I, how are my days, how is my family. It’s the same thing she was doing earlier, follow me and still have another life outside. It’s more like manipulation for me; because she knows I was weak.

    I have blocked her on messages and calls; what she doesn’t understand to be sending mails and still following. It simply disturbs my peace of mind. May be she wants this.

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