Dear Veronica:

Welcome back, good to read from you again.

If you suffer from love addiction, similar to a drug addiction, what is it about, let’s think:

A drug addict is motivated by the need and the desire to feel good. So he takes the drug to feel good. At first he does feel good, so she or he is motivated to take it again. After some time, it doesn’t feel as good, and the drug addict suffers from consequences of the addiction, one of which is feeling bad for not being in control of her behavior.

So you are a love addict: you are motivated to feel good and so, you keep wanting to do what made you feel good before. Except it made you feel bad too.

Maybe you can write or type how your past relationships made you feel good and how they made you feel badly, and keep the two in mind, the good and bad feelings. If you keep the two in mind as you consider your next effort to get into another relationship, it may help.

anita

Dear Veronica:

You are welcome. Tell me, if you feel comfortable doing so, about when your mother left you. I remember you shared that your father hit her, that there was blood.. am I remembering correctly?

anita

Dear Veronica:

It is severely distressing for a child to watch her parents fight, to see her mother bleeding, and to find her mother gone for days. It is scary and distressing for a little girl to be unsafe, to be separated from her mother.

You keep feeling the same distress you felt then because the distress of these experiences is effectively recorded in your brain.

When you date a man, or even watch a romantic movie, you imagine that you are safe with another person, united (no longer separated) with that person, no longer abandoned, no longer alone. It is an intoxicating feeling, a feeling you needed so desperately when you were a child. A feeling (safe, united with your mother/ another person) that you still need.

I hope that you will one day be in a healthy, loving relationship with  a man. Do you feel that it will happen, one day?

anita

Dear Veronica:

You know this about yourself then, that you “crave for that safety and attention”. The more you understand yourself, the better it is for you, the better chances for you to finally be in a safe and loving relationship.

You pointed to a few things that you need to understand better:

1.  “why I allow myself to stay in a toxic relationship”

2. “I won’t know whether I am in love with the person or only on the feeling”

3. You “don’t trust someone not to be abandoned and rejected all over again”

4. “I also don’t trust myself”

We can explore any of these four things here on your thread. Would you like to choose one of the above and write more about it? If you do, I will reply and the exploration will be on its way.

anita

Dear Veronica,

@ Actually mind is master, emotion is just reflection. Emotion will be according to the thoughts/conclusion made by mind (U will clearly understand this when you capable to split yourself from body, mind, emotion and energy). Emotion will be different when your mind think as:- he is your lover, ex-lover, enemy, friend, – secured, threaten – comfortable, uncomfortable…etc. all will give different kind of emotion.  So you need to take in charge ur mind to take in charge ur emotion

@ The key is turn inward, u always stick to this. Actually after some practice u will start to see the result, then yourself will walk the path.  There are lot of ways to do that.  You type turn inward in google. There are lot of guidance. U try and see which one is suitable and workable for you.

@ My suggestion is you start go to nature, trekking/ hiking. Start with easy trail 1st. No music and avoid talking. Try ur best to pay attention to the surroundings, tree, flower, insect, people, clouds, birds…everything. Life will start to touch you, yourself will REALIZE something, stabilize yourself. Once you stabilize yourself, from there you will walk your path, joyfully, with and w/o people, wont be much issue.