If I’m reading this correctly, you were together for only three months. I’m sorry but I think what you felt was intense lust, not love. I would also like to agree with the advice given by Airene in that you were presented with numerous red flags about this guy that I find troubling, most of which is how he is treating you now. For someone that was so desperate to claim you just a short while ago, he sure did turn off rather quickly. I think he’s the type of person that loves CONTROL over someone, nothing else.

I’m sensing that he is a narcissistic personality and that it would be best for you to cut your losses and move on now before things get worse. Trust me.

Dear FullOfRemorse86:

In your original post you asked: “Should I let him go and move on?”. In your recent post, you asked: “Any tips on walking away and getting over somebody?”-

Does this mean that you have made your decision, following your first post to indeed let him go and move on?

anita

Dear FullOfRemorse86:

He wanted you to introduce him to your kids one month or so into this relationship. It is often recommended to women to get to know a man for a long time before introducing him to minor children. It is to your credit that you didn’t introduce him to your children. I am assuming he has heard of such a recommendation but ignored it. This is concerning. Especially since you shared with him that you were sexually abused as a child. A parent’s duty is to protect one’s children. Didn’t he understand it, or consider it, I wonder.

Another thing is again, you shared with him sensitive material. And it reads to me that he may very well be punishing you at this point for not moving fast enough in the relationship with him and for breaking up with him. Doesn’t he have empathy for you, for having experienced he hurt you have already in life, I wonder. Doesn’t he consider that it is not right for him to intentionally intend to bring you more hurt by punishing you.

Assuming he is punishing you.

If he is not aware that he was unreasonably too fast in demanding to be introduced to your children, and if he is not aware that in affect he is punishing you, that is causing you unnecessarily pain by his pull and push behavior, then he is a very unaware man.

If he is aware, he is cruel. If he is unaware, he is impulsive and not in much control of his behavior. I think that you should soon, very soon bring this to a resolution. You do not deserve to be punished. And/ or it is not a good idea to get involved with an impulsive man not in control of his behavior.

Which brings me to my first point, as a cruel man and/or an impulsive man, he is not a good choice for introduction into your children’s lives.

anita

Dear FullOfRemore86:

Reads to me that he is self centered to the point of not being reasonable. A reasonable man would consider that a woman should not introduce a man into her children’s lives so soon and respect you for that. He on the other hand took it as a personal insult against him, as if your reasonable cautious behavior that applies to any and every man in his position was about him.

This means he is likely to believe other choices you would make, choices that displease him, are insults against him.

You wrote that you keep asking yourself “What if”- I can suggest to you my possibilities of what-if:

He continues to point to you as the Wrong One, when there is conflict, when things don’t go as he wishes that they go. Knowing how he responds to you when he believes you are wrong, you are quick to apologize and try to make it up to him. A pattern is born: he accuses you of wrong doing, you apologize, he punishes you some, eventually, maybe forgives you.. until next time.

Living with you and your children, he points to them as the ones being in the Wrong, when in conflict with him. Doesn’t matter that they are children and he is the adult, physically. They walk on eggshells, afraid to be accused as wrong, and over time, believing that they are in the wrong (a damaging core belief to live with).

I think better cut him out of your life, like you wrote.

anita

It’s not going to be easy but you need to stay the course. I would text him stating that you’ve reconsidered and feel that it would be in both your best interests to end the relationship and move on. But then you need to mean it. You should focus on other things (perhaps your kids or other hobbies). Delete his number. This man is manipulative and the more you continue, the more it will hurt in the future. I wish you luck.

Don’t feel bad. I know how you feel because I’ve been there too. I have to go to work but when I return I will write about my story and how I’ve been coping. I think you may see some parallel lines with it that can help you.

Here is my story of how one can fall for a manipulative person and the reflection it took to realize why it happened.

In July of 2014, my father passed away at the age of 63 to terminal cancer. It was fast. I barely had time to really understand what was happening before he was gone. After this I entered a depression. I was not in a relationship at the time. I hadn’t been for a few years and just felt really sad, lost and alone. I mention this because I don’t know if you were going through a similar situation/feeling when you met your person. It may have inhibited your judgment.

A few months later, I met “D”. D was originally from India; I am from Canada with no prior knowledge of their culture. We instantly clicked. He was very flirtatious, made me feel appreciated and I fell deeply. HAVING SAID THAT, I also did have red flags. My intuition told me something wasn’t right. In retrospect, he was always demanding of my time and attention on HIS schedule but rarely reciprocated when I was in need. He would become cold and even abusive at times. I would constantly get excuses from him. I broke things off several times but always returned within a week or two. He was in my life, but not fully in my life. I didn’t complain though because, again, he was helping me out of my depression. Or so I thought.

Fast forward a bit, two years to be exact. He started to get serious and asked me for marriage. Again, there were some red flags but I told him “if you ask me seriously, then I will answer seriously”. He told me he was. I started to actually feel like this might lead to something. Maybe it would be a happy ever after. That is when my intuition told me to become a Russian spy and I did some sleuthing (as anyone should before they get too serious; in this day and age, it’s not difficult to do). I discovered that he had an online profile on a marriage website (Indians don’t really date; they just get married to someone after interacting a few times). I confronted him and from there he told me that he flirted with a lot of girls and that I meant nothing to him. He would only marry a nice Indian girl of his parent’s choosing. He then got mad at me and told me to never tell anyone what happened. After I said he was a horrible human being for what he did to me, he became apologetic and basically begged me to keep him in my life. It was an emotional whirlwind.

But I was done. It was hard—very hard—for me to just let go of something I invested two years in. For the longest time I felt conflicted between heart and mind. My heart felt love … but my mind knew it didn’t exist as I imagined it. I’m just over a year out now, I realize it was just that … missing something that didn’t actually exist within HIM but that existed within ME (Anita mentions this too). I don’t miss him or want him back. He was a jerk that took advantage of someone during a low point in their life. What I miss is the companionship. The attention. I missed the feeling of belonging. D filled this void that was left by my father’s death. But I can find that with someone else. D didn’t love me. That is the bare minimum of what I – and YOU – deserve in a relationship. The person you describe does not love you, they love your attention (which is why they want it on their schedule and by their rules). A person who loves you would be more understanding of your situation and not punish you the way he has.

This is going to hurt for awhile, I won’t lie. But it will hurt more in the future if you allow the manipulation to continue. You will feel even less of a person. In a relationship, you need an equal.

Try to remain strong. And if you need to vent more, I am listening. 🙂