Dear larissa:

You wrote in the last few lines of your post: “i lost myself, or maybe i didnt know myself. I want to find my lifes purpose… i dont know the path i need to take. Any advice as to how i can find out?”

My advice is that your opportunities to know yourself, to find yourself, your life purpose, these exist in your very life as-is, presently. Let’s look for a few such opportunities in your very post:

1. “When i was young my mother developed a severe drinking problem… She started beating my siblings and I… her and i fought the most. These fights were prety bad, and always ended up in me running off for the night…” What is the nature of the current relationship with her? Depending on your answer, there may be an opportunity there: if the current relationship involves fighting, still, it might be time to end that relationship and that will benefit you. It will be you taking a stand against fighting and turmoil.

2. “I got out of rehah and i becaume wild, drinking, doing losts of drugs… i was 17… i met my now husband and we were wild together, we partied…then we became pregnant with my oldest son, right after i had him he had to go into surgery… my husband and i fought and fought and fought, this fighting broke me.” Are you still drinking/ doing drugs, maybe from time to time? If so, this is an opportunity to evaluate the affects of drinking on your relationship with your husband and the quality of your parenting.

3. “My son meanwhile had turned into a wild child, i took him to a specialist at 5 and he was diagnosed with Sensory Processing disorder, ODD, ADHD, and High anxiety.”

You wrote later: “You wrote: “i want to help others ” well- your son is suffering a whole lot. This is your opportunity to help him more than you already are, what greater value is in helping an innocent, very distressed little person that you brought into this life? (More than anything, your son needs a peaceful home, a safe home, no fighting between parents, between anyone).

4. “My husband and i broke up when i got pregnant with our second daughter… i was 19 when i had her. She cried nonstop day in and day out.” There is this opportunity for you to think about having or not having future children (following your third), so that it is not something that just happens, but instead something subject to pre-thinking: is it for the benefit of a future child to be brought in to the circumstances of your life? Will you be providing a peaceful home for that child?

Why was/is your daughter crying a lot, how is she doing now…? If your son’s troubles and your daughter’s are caused or aggravated by anything you are doing or allow to happen, these things need to be looked at and both children need to be helped.

5. “My husband and i had since worked things out…  our 3rd child 5 years after my second daughter”- you are currently then 24. Continuing to have a working relationship with your husband is a lot of work that still needs to be done. Improving communication with him, improving your cooperation as parents, all these are opportunities for you to choose and so to get to know yourself.

The spiritual path, I believe, is made up of the thoughtful choices that we make. When we think before we act, when we choose from awareness (instead of impulsively, automatically, habitually), we walk the spiritual path. The path is in the quality of choosing. Thoughtful choosing is getting to know yourself, finding yourself.

anita

Hi Larissa,

I don’t know if you have really lost yourself. But all you knew is turbulance, instability, fighting and chaos in your childhood, and if left unresolved, it wreaks havoc in our adult lives, as we relive the chaos in our adult lives since that is all we know, then we hand that down to our children, who then hand it down to their children, and on it goes. It’s an unfortunate viscous cycle.

We did not have the love and nurturing we needed from our parents as children, so we have no foundation when we go in adulthood. We try to get out unmet childhood needs met through chaos in our relationships, through our children, friendships, even bosses and co-workers.

I too had a very turbulent, neglectful, abusive childhood, constant abandonment. I think what has helped me most is Psychotherapy, to get to the root of these issues, 12 step support programs, Post traumatic and co-dependent support groups. I have had many free support groups where hospitals have them for free, when I didn’t have insurance. I’m sorry this happened to you, and hope things get better. Keep us posted.

Dear larissa:

I want to come back to your thread in the morning (8-10 hours from now) because I am not focused enough right now. It will help me when I am back if you elaborate on “I have no idea who i am, what i like and dislike” (I got the gardening example, need more…)

anita