Dear Lis:

The no-doubt-about-it abusive behavior on his part: screaming at you, using profanity against you, dishonestly manipulating you (“he laughs at me and says ‘I don’t really have evidence I just wanted to see if you were lying to my face’”, repeatedly hacking into your phone, and telling you that he needs to put you in your place (“He says he feels like he needs to put me in my place”).

These behaviors are abusive regardless of context. No context (and no matter how imperfect you may be) justify those or make these behaviors non-abusive.

I think that you lost your way (the title of your thread) because he successfully “put you in (your) place”- in a place, that is, where you are currently stuck.

What is that place, I ask myself. You wrote: “when it is good, it’s really good – we have lots of fun and I do feel like he understands me.”- will you share more about those times, what “really good” looks like, that fun and feeling that he understands you, perhaps give some examples?

anita

This is an emotionally abusive relationship and I am so sorry you are experiencing this . This guy is a piece of work . My advice would be to leave and not look back .

I could have written your post about my ex . I am 27.

I would leave and get counselling asap. You can recover from this . What he is telling you is lies .Hope this is not to harsh.

This guy won’t change he is an abuser. Is that what you want ? Could you marry this guy /have kids etc .?