Thank you Matt! I found my local library has that book and I will definiately be checking it out. I have made a lot of self-progress since my breakup and my mother’s death. I started running, working out, tried gentle yoga, expanded my social circle and even joined an online dating site. Also, being a reader and a ‘thinker’ by nature, I have also read everything I can get my hands on realtionships and dating.

I have come so far! but I am still having a hard time accepting that these two special women are no longer a part of my life. I was always close with my mother and I always turned to her for help with things like this. Friends are a big help and I lean on them often for help and support. Still, in the quiet moments at night, my mind turns to my old relationship and I wonder what else I could have done to better to keep her in my life. It is very hard to be so close to someone and share so many great times and then, in an instant they are gone from your life.

I thank you for your prayers and I hope someday I will know love again.

Thank you Barbara for your advice and encouragement! It has been a difficult path, but I think I am on the right track. I beleve that these events have served as a ‘wake up’ call of sorts to show me how fragile love and life truly are. When we love someone, get close to someone we open ourselves up to the possibility of pain and loss. We become complacent and take for graned that these special people will always be with us, no matter what -and often times they are, but nothing is permanent, not even life.

A quick update, yesterday I received my first passport and I am super excited for all of the opportunities for traveling and seeing the world. I also have a date on thursday with a nice girl I met online! I have lost about 30 pounds running and I get lots of compliments from friends and co-workers, and that makes me feel good too. I am also looking to get involved in some local charity work.

I found this quote from the author Wendel Berry the other day and I think it sums up my journey very nicely:
“I am a pilgrim, but my pilgrimage has been wandering and unmarked. Often what has looked like a straight line to me has been a circling or a doubling back. I have been in the Dark Wood of Error any number of times. I have known something of Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven, but not always in that order. The names of many snares and dangers have been made known to me, but I have seen them only in looking back. Often I have not known where I was going until I was already there. I have had my share of desires and goals, but my life has come to me or I have gone to it mainly by way of mistakes and surprises. Often I have received better than I deserved. Often my fairest hopes have rested on bad mistakes. I am an ignorant pilgrim, crossing a dark valley. And yet for a long time, looking back, I have been unable to shake off the feeling that I have been led – make of that what you will.”

Thank you all!