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Lost in the signals I'm getting. Don't know how to approach things

Home→Forums→Relationships→Lost in the signals I'm getting. Don't know how to approach things

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Viewing 11 posts - 16 through 26 (of 26 total)
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  • September 30, 2014 at 3:16 pm #65822
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thanks Cat Dancing,

    I appreciate multiple views on this and I read any response I get. Sometimes you can look within and find answers, and other times, you need different perspectives. I am thoughtful about how I treat her because the same thing happened to me, and I would be the same to anyone.
    I don’t want to be serious all the time and I do want to have fun with this. I just feel like I have to say this to her. I guess I want to let her know that, while she is who I would most like to get to know, I want to keep my options open too. Is just saying what my intentions are too much or should I give a clear picture of what I am thinking, and let the pieces fall where they may?

    September 30, 2014 at 4:00 pm #65826
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi,
    This goes out to Jasmine-3, Pooch, cat dancing and anyone else who wishes to share an opinion about the text that I plan to send the woman I like.
    Here it is.

    “I’m considering putting my profile back up. I’m sure it’s not a big deal to you, but I thought I would mention it.
    I want you to know that, you are first and foremost on my mind , and I’m only interested in seeing you. You said that you have only seen me up until now, and if you want to see where things go in time, I will hold off.

    I like you and I have fun being with you. I’d rather be sending you dorky poems and thinking of something nice to do for you.
    But I’ve learned enough about you that I care about you, and as tough as you are, and no matter if it did or not, I really couldn’t think to hurt your feelings. Even in the smallest way.”
    What’s your opinions on that? Too much or good enough?

    September 30, 2014 at 4:48 pm #65827
    Pooch
    Participant

    Hi Steve,

    It sounds good, and you are being honest with her. If I may make a suggestion, maybe you can leave out “I’m sure it’s not a big deal to you” because you probably don’t want to presume that, you don’t know how she would feel about that and that is why you are letting her know. Just a thought. Also consider reversing the paragraphs so that the first paragraph would be to express how you feel about her, thus staging/supporting what you’d like to say in the 2nd paragraph, which is to hopefully get her take on the where she or where you stand. I’m guessing it would easier for her to reply that way. Just my opinion.

    Again, I wish you well with it. 🙂

    September 30, 2014 at 5:17 pm #65828
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Pooch,

    So reverse the paragraph that starts “I like you and I have fun with you” with ” I want you to know that, you are first and foremost on my mind” Should I then keep ” I’ve learned enough about you” in the same place?

    September 30, 2014 at 9:28 pm #65836
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Thanks everyone.

    Hi Steve @guitardude

    I am sorry for what has happened. I know you have developed feelings for the lady but can you just let it be ? Do you really have to go out of your way to win someone’s love ?

    I will repeat again – what is yours, none can take it away and whats not yours, you can keep slogging away and keep proving yourself, it aint coming to you. You made a sincere effort and just leave it at that. The moment you have to justify your actions or you feel the need to justify yourself to others, you are walking away from your path. You will get hurt unnecessarily.

    Just be you and trust me, a lovely woman, close to your surrounds will accept you the way you are. Give yourself more credit than you have been giving. There is no other steve in this world. Remember that.

    Sending you strength and positive wishes

    J

    September 30, 2014 at 10:21 pm #65839
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hey Jasmine,
    I am letting it be. I sent that text and if it kills off anything that could happen, so be it. I’m not being sarcastic but it isn’t like the movies when it comes to real relationships. Sometimes, I think you have to work at it a little more when things have happened to you, that make you more cautious.
    I think I will stay in contact for her for now. We have a date this last Friday. She was hurt by her ex, and she finally told me it wasn’t easy for the first while, but she came through fairly well. When our date was done, we had a long embrace and she feels something for me. She isn’t flighty and overwrought with emotion. She told me she wants to take things slow. I’m putting some effort in, I know that, but don’t some women still want to be wooed?

    The feelings for the other woman are already dissolved. I thought about how she came on strong and after 3 dates ended it because there wasn’t an instant spark. I should have thought about how a bunch of her favourite shows were different versions of The Bachelor.

    Maybe this woman that I messaged today really wants to see what happens in time. She is very grounded, and down to earth, and her thinking is reality based. Time will tell.

    October 1, 2014 at 1:37 am #65840
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Hey Steve

    Good on yah 🙂

    J

    October 1, 2014 at 6:16 am #65849
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hey Jasmine-3,

    I mentioned that the message was sent. She took a little while to respond last time so I’m not planning on messaging her in between. I know this put a little pressure on her, so if she responds positively, I’ll see where things go from there. I am letting go of the outcome. There is no perfect way to build a relationship with someone and if this is meant to be, it will work out the way it is supposed to.
    It is hard to detach yourself from the highs and lows of trying to date someone. I know I just have to start going with the flow and let things move naturally.
    Thanks

    October 1, 2014 at 4:26 pm #65884
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I received a reply from the woman I have been getting to know and this is what she said,
    ” I can say that I have fun with you. It’s hard for me to have chemistry with people right off the hop. Those things take time. So really I can’t say. If you feel like you want to keep searching I understand that.”
    I have decided to be patient and see how things play out in the next little while. If there is a possibility to start a relationship with someone who is level headed and wanted to move slow to see if things work, I’ll give it some time.
    There are a lot of women on here. I kind of wonder what they think of this.

    October 1, 2014 at 8:53 pm #65886
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Hey Steve @guitardude

    I like your take on the situation. Cant comment on the lady’s reply as she is not me.

    On an another note, all of us are wearing a set of goggles (based on our circumstances, conditioning, values, previous reactions etc) through which we view the world around us. This makes us all very unique. My perspective or opinion is my take on the world and your perspective is your take on the world – both can be very different yet right for both of us at the same time. There are no failures or successes or wins or rejections in this world – only valuable lessons to become the better version of self. This also involves a self who is not dependent on anyone (and I mean anyone) in this world for his / her state of being or happiness.

    Someone told me something very valuable recently. There are 26 alphabets in our language 😉 When “A” doesn’t work out, life gives us 25 MORE chances to get it right. What a profound wisdom !!

    While the women sort themselves out to become ready for the new and hot version of Steve, I recommend the following blog for you. It is pretty useful for a self journey.

    http://www.marcandangel.com

    Best wishes

    J

    October 1, 2014 at 9:39 pm #65888
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Jasmine-3,

    I’m just taking it as it comes right now. She sent that message to me, and after I sent one more to just chat with her because she is sick with the flu. Then she sends one letting know that she couldn’t do anything this weekend, but wants to get together next week. I’m just rolling with it right now. There is no plan and I just want to get to know her better. I do believe that sometimes a good thing comes to you if you are patient. If something builds from it, that would be nice.

    I’m trying not to have a huge attachment to the outcome, but I already know if it doesn’t work with her, I will be looking for someone with the same traits as her. S

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