This may sound insensitive but I hope you’re not confusing your instinctive urges of finding a partner and procreating with what you really want in life. It’s not to say that these two things don’t sometimes combine but your desperation to want children and your statement of ‘wanting kids for as long as you remember’ implies that you only wish to procreate and are acting on your instincts. If you’re fully convinced that there is absolutely no greater cause and no truer passion aside from having a family then I can only suggest a dating site or adoption. And no, that is not meant as a joke.

As far as healing goes, unless you allow yourself to broaden your views and horizons your thoughts will continue to dwell on the matter. I’m sorry if this isn’t much help to you.