Hey Hyo!

It sounds like you’ve been through some bleugh stuff. But you’ve pulled through and are doing things that you love. I think that forward movement alone is awesome. It seems you’re doing lots of beating yourself up around your past. There are lots of ways to approach this: a book I’m reading right now is The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown and I find http://www.thefuckitlife.com/ fun and helpful, as well as EFT.

Overall, it sounds like connecting with people and travelling/international people excites you most. Why not just do more of that? It sounds like you’re already taking steps: working with people and your application!

I’m going through something similar maybe. I’ve been travelling a lot and love it. It’s not always easy but when I reflect back on the amazing experiences I’ve had, I can’t imagine not having chosen to explore and travel. I also have the mental tape recorder saying I need to get settled into a proper job/career. I have a computer science degree.. and as “practical” as it is.. I love connecting with people too. So it sounds like we share some sort of “follow our bliss” and “do what is right as far as society is concerned” inner conflict. I’ve resolved it somewhat by doing web development as I travel. I still feel like I’m “looking” for my purpose.. what I should be “really doing”. But my life experience to date says that letting go and allowing opportunities to come to me is the most successful route to take (where success = personal happiness). I’ve tried trying and it sucks.. and just doesn’t work for me.

Hope that helps. And thanks for sharing your stuff. It allows me to share mine too 🙂

A thought I had today.. do you personally know of anyone who has ever regretted making a change? It’s not always easy to change for me.. but I don’t regret a thing I’ve done.. life seems to be getting better all the time.. so how can I? 🙂 How about you?

ps. Since you studied Italian.. my girlfriend has spent the last 2 European summers teaching English in Italy. She loves it! Check it out if you’re interested: http://www.acle.org/

Hi Hyo,

Thanks for your feedback. I was actually going to come on Tiny Buddha and share my feelings of “lostness”, but it’s so much more fun to share and chat with another. I notice I feel a lot better when I realise I am not alone!

I’m not sure about this particular conflict.. but I notice if something sucks in my life, it can be resolved a lot through sorting something out inside of me. And sometimes the best solution is just to get on a plane or move. When I went to visit my family in New Zealand last xmas I got really down. By the end of the trip I went to the doctor and he diagnosed me with dysthymia and prescribed me prozac. I was due to go back to Thailand.. and honestly within the first day of being back, my entire mood changed and I’ve never touched those meds as a result.

Yeah that pic is of me in Venice. It’s completely surreal to think of the amazing experiences I’ve had. I’ve been more places than people with way more money than me. And I’m definitely happier than when I worked in corporate/govt life. It’s just scary to not have that “security”. But at this stage in my life.. I just can’t see myself going back to that suit and tie life. Bleugh. I get anxious about the future.. but when I stop and think of what I’ve been doing.. I’m like WOW!

My girlfriend is from Seattle.. where I am right now. If you want to get in touch with her to chat about it, just let me know!

Yes, true. It definitely doesn’t have to be international travel. I’m sitting in a cafe that feels good to be in.

I’ll pass on your email to her and mention you may be interested in ACLE.

I haven’t finished that book.. but when I take a break from the computer and read it, I feel better. So that’s gotta be good 🙂 I’ll look forward to hearing your thoughts on it.