Hi Mermaid!

I appreciate you reaching out to me on my other post and wanted to drop by and familiarize myself with your current situation.

To begin with, 29 is NOT old. WE are not old! In fact, I made so many bad decisions in my past, I look forward to turning thirty next year! For some reason or another, it seems therapeutic to be able to leave my “young naive, learning” years behind. So that is the positive perspective I have on being fortunate to be 29! We don’t necessarily have to have accomplished any major goals by a specific deadline, we are just fortunate to be older and wiser and several miles farther from the instances we might otherwise regret…and after being in marketing for a number of years, I can say numbers do help flip the mindset! 30 seems exciting and new compared to 29. It’s the beginning of a new chapter. Begin a countdown celebration to your birthday, now!

That said, I can also relate to moving back somewhere, expecting to automatically return to the great joy and happiness the environment provided me, previously. My fiance and I argue – a lot lately, with all the stress we are enduring. We are passionate and we are in love with one another, but sometimes I find myself wondering if moving him to my hometown and changing his entire life plan, was a good idea. I worry he might resent me at some point, though he is not the type at all. I don’t know your exact situation regarding your ex, but I can tell you I relate to moving back to a place of happiness and experiencing difficulties with the loved one.

I can’t give you any specific advice there without further information, but I want you to know that those who are meant to be in your life, will find you, and if they leave, they will find a way to come back, one way or another. And if he is not meant to be, try to take the lessons you learned from the relationship and apply those to future relationships and your life in general. What do you need/desire/require/want in yourself, in order to find that in others? Have you decided you want to change the world and listen to John Lennon all day, inspired to write one life changing idea after another? Then it’s probably not a good idea to find someone who hits the bars every night. That’s incredibly broad, but meant to get the point across, that once you discover your innermost desires, only then can you truly know real love.

Perhaps you have spent several years battling CFS that you haven’t really been allowed enough time to explore what makes you happy? If you find you connect with nature in a way that awes and inspires you, spend more time outside walking, jogging, yoga in the park, gardening. You’ll find a sense of peace in whatever your “preferred” environment and at that point, the dots should begin to connect again, and the ideas will trickle in.

At least that is what happened for me. But I believe you will find your way back on the path of clarity. It is said, it is always darkest before the dawn. Just remember to let it be and believe there will be an answer. (In the jumbled words of the great Mr. John Lennon!)

I wish you the best of luck!!!

Love,
jd

Hi Mermaid.
I can relate to a lot of what you say.
I’m 24 and I worry that my life is flashing before my eyes.
It feels like I’ve been living in a bubble for so long, and when I think about all the time that’s passed I worry that I’m wasting my life feeling bad and stuck.

You’re really not alone though. Most people are not content with their lives and just because you’re temporarily living with your parents doesn’t mean that you aren’t as successful as other. Everyone has their own obstacles to deal with, and you know what yours are.

I can relate to the creativity thing too. I write music and sing/play guitar. Sometimes I get so psyched about my potential, and then on other days I feel like giving up music because (I tell myself) I haven’t got what it takes. I’ve been suffering from adrenal fatigue, or to simplify it – Regular tiredness, that’s sometimes extreme – for a long time now. Other people seem to have so much energy compared to me, so I feel like I don’t fit in. So many people my age work full time and then do extra hours, and then party all weekend. That would pretty much kill me.

I’m intrigued that you’ve overcome CFS (at least, to a degree that you’re better).
I know you’ve read From Fatigued To Fantastic, but do you mind helping me out and giving me some tips?
What has helped you the most in recovery?
I seem so stress sensitive these days.
I’ve tried playing around with diet for years but I always seem to let things get to me, despite how I try to stay strong.

Thank you

And by ‘Attitude adjustment’, Anne does indeed mean John Cena’s finishing move in WWE (I hope somebody gets this reference)…
I have to disagree though… There are so many people that try to force choices onto you.
As if to say it’s ‘impossible’ to heal without an artificial, un-natural, man-made substance.

Doctors, in my experience, aren’t always very informed about depression and it’s not just as simple as swallowing some pills.
Their job is just to make money for Big Pharma and anti-depressants are too readily given out.
Trust your gut and see a doctor if you want to, but you’re the one that makes that decision… nobody else.

If medication was so helpful, depression wouldn’t be such a problem.
I like to think long-term, and for me that means realising that one day I’d want to stop taking the drug.. then what?
Even if it worked (I have my doubts), am I just back to square one when I stop taking the meds?
Probably.

Though it can be more difficult without (maybe), it’d just feel 100 times better beating depression for real by yourself, knowing you did it – not some random-ass drug.

Would it also feel 100 times better to beat cancer for real by yourself, without some random-ass chemotherapy? 🙂 I wasted three years of my life, lost my job and my marriage trying to “be strong” and beat depression with the power of my mind alone. I feel now that I was being overly proud. I needed help, but refused to seek it. I needed medicine, but refused to take it. And it was the people who loved me that suffered most for my pride, who worried about me and exended huge amounts of energy trying to lift me up. I don’t think I’ll be on anti-depressants forever, but even if I am, so what? Diabetics are on their medicine for life, and nobody bats an eyelid. The only reason mental illness is seen as different is because of the perception that it’s the sufferer’s own fault for being ill. This is a very damaging myth that needlessly stigmatises people. Of course, nobody can make the choice but the individual. But personally, I wish I’d been brave enough to make it years ago

Much love

You can’t solely rely on medication to overcome depression. I literally just did a research paper on physical activity and mental health, and one of the studies explored the effects of pharmacological substances and exercise in treating depression. The control group just took the drug treatment whereas the test group was prescribed an aerobic activity plan while taking drug treatment. The group that was both taking medication and exercising had a substantial decrease in their depressive symptoms as opposed to the group just taking the drugs.

Point I’m making: you need to be proactive! You can’t sit around and just hope things will work, and by taking a pill you will feel better. Be proactive, make the change, get up and start moving! Sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself isn’t going to do you any favours. I know this through experience, and it isn’t fun. But you have to be willing to change yourself. If you don’t do so, then what are you doing? Just existing and relying on hope to bring you out of the rut? No, you need to act! First step is acknowledging there is a problem, second step is putting a meaning behind and producing an emotional response, and thirdly it’s acting on the emotional response (the “now what?”). By doing this accordingly, you can get out of any situation or circumstance you’re in.

But it has to start with you!

Hey mermaid!
You are having a mid-life crisis at 29! Way to get it out of the way early! You don’t know yourself, join the rest of us. Life is the process of discovering more and more about yourself, so you are right on track! Feeling lost, there is no road map to life, so you are in actuality, lost, just like everyone else. What I’m trying to get at us you are putting pressure on yourself that doesn’t belong there. I know society tells us we should be this or do that, but unfortunately, they have no authority or expertise to determine who or what we should be or what the timeline is for meeting it’s standards. Tell society to screw off and go define your life on your terms!